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What I Know For Sure (2014)

by Oprah Winfrey(Favorite Author)

4.02 of 5 Votes: 1

ISBN

1250054052 (ISBN13: 9781250054050)

languge

English

genre

Memoir & Autobiography

publisher

Flatiron Books

review 1: [My friend Gail] has helped me through demotions, near-firings, sexual harassment, and the twisted and messed-up relationships of my twenties, when I couldn’t tell the difference between myself and a door mat. Night after night, Gail listened to the latest woeful tale of how I’ve been stood up or lied to, done wrong, she’d always ask for details. She never judged me, yet when I let some man use me, she’d often say, “He’s just chipping away at your spirit. One day I hope he chips deep enough for you to see who you really are – someone who deserves to be happy.” It’s important to know when and how you were programmed so you can change the program. And doing so is your responsibility, no one else’s. There is one irrefutable law of the universe – we are e... moreach responsible for our own life. If you’re holding anyone else accountable for your happiness, you are wasting your time. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you did not receive. I know for sure that when you remove the fear, the answer you’ve been searching for comes into focus. The true measure of your courage is not whether you reach your goal; it’s whether you decide to get back on your feet no matter how many times you failed. My biggest mistakes in life have all stemmed from giving my power to someone else, believing that the love others had to offers was more important than the love I had to give to myself. I remember being 29 and in a relationship based on lies and deceit, down on my knees, crying after Mr. Man, who we shall not name here. I’d been waiting for him all evening, he stood me up and it wasn’t the first time. He arrived hours after our date was supposed to start, and I dared to ask why. I remember him standing in the doorway and hurling these words at me, “The problem with you, baby doll, is that you think you’re special.” At which point he turned on his heels and slammed the door in my face. I’d grown up watching my cousin Alice be physically abused by her boyfriend and I’d vowed I would take such treatment. But sitting there on the bathroom floor after Mr. Man walked out, I saw with great clarity the only difference between Alice and me was that I hadn’t been hit. Mr. Man was wrong, I did not think I was special, and that was the problem. Why was I allowing myself to be treated this way? Even with these insights it took me another year to end the relationship. I kept hoping and praying that things would get better, that he would change. He never did. The decision [was] to either pursue the life that was meant for me, or to be stifled by the one I was living. I recognized the truth that I’m alright just as I am, I am enough all by myself. That revelation brought its own miracle – around that time the call came for me to audition for a talk show in Chicago. If I had stayed entangled in that relationship my life as I know it would never have happened. What is the truth of your life? It is your duty to know. In order to find out, know that the truth is which feels right and good and loving. Love doesn’t hurt I’ve learned in the years since I was 29, it feels really good. It’s that which allows you to live every day with integrity. Everything you do and say shows the world who you are. Let it be the truth. I’ll never forget the moment when I decided to always choose myself. I recall what I was wearing – a blue turtleneck and black slacks – where I was sitting – in my boss’ office – what the chair looked and felt like – brown paisley, too deep and over-stuffed – when my boss at the Baltimore station said, “There is no way you can make it in Chicago. You are walking into a landmine. You can’t even see it. You’re committing career suicide. You are going to fail.” I didn’t know if he was right. I didn’t have the confidence to believe I could succeed, but somehow I gathered the nerve to say him before standing up and walking out, “You are right, I may not make it, and I may be walking into landmines. But if they don’t kill me, at least I’ll keep growing.” In that moment I chose happiness, the lasting happiness that abides with me every day because I decided not to be afraid and to move forward. Staying in Baltimore would have been the safe thing to do. But sitting in my boss’ office I knew that if I let him talk me into staying it would affect the way I felt about myself forever. I would always wonder what could have been. That one choice changed the trajectory of my life. I live in a state of exhilarated contentment – that’s my definition of happiness – fueled by a passion for everything I’m committed to, my work, my colleagues, my home, my gratitude for every breath taken in freedom and peace. And what makes it sweeter is knowing for sure that I created this happiness. It was my choice. I know for sure it is the greatest discovery of life to recognize that you’re more than your body and your mind. Having the best things is no substitute for having the best life. When you can let go of the desire to acquire you know you are really on your way. Organizational expert Peter Walsh in his book Enough Already, “Our homes are overwhelmed with stuff and our lives littered with the empty promises that the stuff didn’t fulfil. In buying what we want, we hope to acquire the life we desire. But chasing the life you want by accumulating more stuff is a dead-end street.” This I know for sure, more things don’t make you feel more alive. Yet feeling more alive is part of fulfilling your true self. It’s the reason we’re all here. Material excess is about so much more than the physical objects themselves, although we know we need to let things go. Doing so causes anxiety, yet I know that letting go leaves space for more to come. That’s true of our relationships not just to shoes but to all things. After the hundreds of stories I’ve heard of atrocities around the globe, I know that if you are a woman born in the United States you are one of the luckiest women in world. Take your good fortune and lift your life to its highest calling. Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege, use it! Dwell in possibility. Whose life did you touch, who did you love, and who loved you back? This I know for sure is what matters. Happiness is never something you get from other people. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love and happiness you are able to give.
review 2: This was a decent little collection! Oprah has a few quirks which annoy me (the name-dropping, for one thing, which really is quite excessive) and the overly woo-woo aspect of some of these essays. But the essays---all drawn from her O Magazine column of the same name---have an endearing earnestness, and the 'what I know for sure' motif resonated with me. I did find I had to read this book in chunks; there was only so much of it I could take in one sitting. But all in all, I am satisfied with the experience and feel like I walked away with enough nuggets of inspiration to make this book a worthwhile read. less

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