Purpose. Plans. Direction. That’s where my focus had been for a while. “God, what do you want me to do?” “God, please order my steps for these things to happen”. I was even talking to Him about my commitment to celibacy because things weren’t going as well as I’d hoped.
That sounded a lot like “alright God, I’m tired of my own crap and I don’t want to talk or think about what I’m not able to do anymore”. It was great, because unlike in the past, I was going to God about ev-er-y-thing. I wanted to do everything with God and through Him. There’s nothing wrong with that! What God showed me though, was that I was doing a bit too much.
I was ready to do a lot. Like “okay, I submitted this to You. I did that. What’s next? Let’s go!” I was excited! But what God wanted from me was for me to focus on my relationship with Him. Getting to know Him more through prayer, reading, and studying His word. I gladly accepted.
It’s been a few weeks since and it’s been amazing. I’ve spent more personal time with God by playing my Abba playlist on Spotify and getting into praise and worship, making sure I read and meditate on the word every day, writing in my prayer journal, and really talking to Him through out the day. I’ve noticed some changes and I know His working on my heart in ways unseen.
What have I noticed:
- My days now start and end with the Lord
- My God-fidence has increased (Confidence in God and His spirit in me)
- I understand His word more which helps me to understand Him more
- Therefore, I love and appreciate Him more
- I have a closeness to Him that’s pretty sweet and beautiful
- My relationships have gotten better
- My heart has grown softer
- The word has been a mirror allowing me to see how I am a reflection of the Lord and areas where He’s helping me improve
- Celibacy has gotten much easier and has become more sacred to me
Rather than focusing on purpose, direction, my desires, and such I’ve been focusing on the author of those things. It’s been an enlightening, cleansing, and joyous experience. I’m growing closer to my Lord and strengthening my foundation in Him. Whenever He tells me it’s time to move, I know I’ll be prepared to press forward with Him.
Here is my current read, which I highly recommend to any of my female readers. If you’re a male, recommend it to a woman you know.
A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George
Stay Blessed
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