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My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches From Just The Other Side Of Young (2010)

by Stephanie Dolgoff(Favorite Author)

3.01 of 5 Votes: 2

ISBN

0345521455 (ISBN13: 9780345521453)

languge

English

genre

Memoir & Autobiography

publisher

Ballantine Books

review 1: I hate to admit it, but I enjoyed this book.Stephanie Dolgoff writes about being "Formerly Hot" with her tongue firmly planted in cheek. But, although the label is sort of a joke, her semi-shock at getting older is real.There's something about being young and generally looked at as lovely that can blind young women to the reality that they do get a lot of fussing *because* they are young and lovely. And that that's going away eventually.Dolgoff is almost exactly my age, but, while she got married at 36, I was pregnant with my fourth child at that time. Also, I've had a lot of weight fluctuations in my life. There's nothing like having your weight yo-yo a bit to realize that When You Look Better According to Society's Standards of Beauty You Are Treated Better. So, I have a... more certain amount of "Really?! This surprises you?" when it comes to some of her observations. But, I guess when you had a long run without a whole lot of bodily changes what happens when you have them would be that much more shocking.Dolgoff, though, is fun to read, in a dishy Glamour-magazine kind of way. Which is appropriate, since that's where she worked when she wrote the book.Some general notes on the book: 1) She talks about how friendships get less dramatic as one ages. She wrote this book when she was 42. I am wondering if she still feels that way as her friends move into menopause. There's nothing like changing hormones to bring some drama back.2) She has a lovely chapter on her husband. I see from her website (formerlyhot.com -- really!) that she's no longer with him, unfortunately.3) She swears like a journalist. Since I grew up around professional baseball and worked in my share of newsrooms, I can be fairly immune to that kind of thing. But I think it's worth a warning.4) I have a certain irritation with her consistently looking for male validation. Her self-concept seems a bit bizarrely linked to getting catcalls or hit on on the train. 'Cause that kind of attention is so great, right? Maybe if it's what you've been used to for 25 years, I guess. In general, although this book is amusing, it is a bit long and repetitive, particularly considering that the basic theme of the book is this: "As you get older, even though you don't get catcalled and aren't as on top of popular culture, what seems like being 'out of it' is actually changing priorities and you're just as fabulous as ever." A tighter edit would've made it better.
review 2: OK, full disclosure - I have never thought of myself as "hot". Cute, maybe even kind of pretty at times, but the word "hot" has never been used by myself when describing my own person. So what's a "not-now-not-ever" hot lady like myself doing with a book like this? Laughing my {bleeping} butt off, that's what. The territory here feels oh-so-familiar, as I am now in my early 40s. I totally understand where Dolgoff is coming from and feel her pain at realizing that I no longer fit in the 25-35 age category on most questionnaires. Sad but true - I'm one of those middle-aged women who certainly don't feel middle-aged. The only section I didn't relate too very well was the one about parenting, but that's because my husband and I are childless by choice. The rest of it, though, could have been written by yours truly at times. For example, I love her take on all the new gadgets on the market. Like myself, she uses some of them, but isn't what you would call a "tech-geek", and for good reason. She explains: "I'm not fearful or dismissive of technology, even if I don't see it as the extension of self that younger people often do. The problem is, I am barely able to find the time and the presence of mind to learn what I need to know to make the technology I already have do the minimal things I ask it to do, let alone explore the next generation of gizmo and all of its many features..." EXACTLY! I finally broke down and bought a computer for home use, and yes, I have now had a cell phone for about 18 months, but I still don't fully embrace either one. The computer is basic and has what I need (and a lot that I don't); the phone is a pay-as-you-go not-so-smartphone that allows me to call my friends and send text messages. I think it would let me access the Internet if I could/would take the time to figure it out, but honestly, I don't care. I don't need it to take pictures, compare prices on goods, or any of the other multitude of things that others use their fancy phones to do. In fact, at one point before obtaining this model, I figured if I ever did buy one, it would be a Jitterbug model, the one designed for "older folks". The other topic she covers at length is also one I relate to quite well, the issue of body image. She talks about TBMFU, also known as The Big Metabolic F*ck You, the sad fact that your metabolism at some point will turn on you like a rabid dog and cause you to gain weight in places you didn't even know it was possible to gain weight. And while it is frustrating to realize you can no longer eat the whole pint of Ben & Jerry's without seeing it on your saddlebags post-haste, you are also at that age where you realize there are bigger concerns in your life than the size of your thighs. She talks here about hearing a comment at a party made about still-stick-thin "formerly" women; the commenter says that they are very restrictive in their calorie intake. Dolgoff later says "It takes effort to not eat when you're hungry, to constantly be figuring what you can and cannot put in your mouth based on whether or not you think it'll make you fat or what you may or may not want to eat later. Doing so takes up buckets of mental energy, which can be in short supply when you're already overextended, stressed out and multitasking." I can attest to this myself; no, I've never been one to be severely restrictive with my food, but taking the time to be "on a diet" and think about food all the time is exhausting. I'd rather just try to cut back on all my portion sizes and eat what I want, maybe take an extra walk around the block, than do the diet thing. And I know I have more important things to focus on in my life than my waist size or the number on the bathroom scale. If you're nearing your 40s, are firmly in them, or have left them behind in the dust, I highly recommend this book. It's so nice to know that there are others feeling this same way, and that we can think of ourselves as smarter, if not "hotter". less

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