Four months ago I emailed a mentor I looked up to for a recommendation. She never responded up until yesterday; her opening salutation being- ‘it seems my earlier response did not go through…’ I glossed it over in my response like it did not matter because I could not legitimize her claim. I even rationalized glitches in technology; what with messages constantly bouncing back or possibly sending it to the wrong email.
I just went with it.
Moments later, after I hit ‘send’ I contemplated her response and wondered if she had been telling the truth. It seemed more like an appropriate way to start a conversation after a deafening silence, without uttering those three crucial humble words, ‘I am sorry,’. Maybe it would not make sense and there would be the unnecessary explanation? Or then again I was simply being overly speculative.
Maybe so.
But isn’t this clever little lie something we have all fallen to? those lies we tell to pacify people and smooth over situations. these lies that bear no legal blueprint; elusive, very untraceable, unless the ‘utterer’ comes clean.
There are many examples of them- for example- you can call up someone who has clearly been avoiding you (on a different number) and when they pick up the phone, their first statement (after a slight gasp of yikes-I-have-been-caught! or not) is ‘I was just thinking of calling you!
If you called them after they repeatedly told you they would call back and didn’t, putting you in the calling back position again for the umpteenth time and if you do get them, they might say something like this, ‘I did call you back,‘ However there is no missed call or voicemail message to verify that. so you waste a few minutes possibly going back and forth saying’ no you did not,’
‘Yes I did’
‘no you did not,’
‘Yes I did, well anyway now you have called and I answered, it doesn’t matter…’ or some such response.
It may not be those examples above, it might be, you decide to confront the lack of response and receive a response like this, ‘I did respond to your email, did you not get it? been wondering why you had not responded in so long,’
Taking a stab at your conscience and clouding your judgment simultaneously, you find yourself apologizing for something you possibly did not do.
Now it is hard to quantify the motives behind the responses because- it is ambiguous-It is as if with the advancement of technology, society has gradually become cowardly, less truthful, hiding behind electrons and byte size protons to deliver half-hearted messages on a mishmash of wiring.
no wonder we are forever buried in the bright screens of our gadgets-hiding our authenticity behind a cold unfeeling electro-intelligence-depending on it to take the punches of our slack, our bad behaviour.
We passed the buck.
We have sold our souls because… well, it is easier than dealing with the truth card, flicked out by life’s hand.
So when someone responds with an obvious excuse that seems patched up between the seams of truth and accountability hanging in that equivocal balance- a well oiled squeakless wheel- how do you respond in truth, without sounding paranoid and negative (as you will be accused)
You ponder on it a while because deep in your intangible gut, you know it’s a lie but whichever way you approach it, you might come off the loser. So …
you don’t.
You instead, turn that well oiled squeakless wheel and gloss over it with a matching untrue response denying yourself your own authentic disposition.
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Cred pic : Nicholle Kobi
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