“Admire a woman who draws silent attention. She doesn’t need to make a spectacle of herself to the world. You notice her without realizing.”
I’m not sure who wrote that quote, but this one really hit home for me. This is what I strive to be as a woman (on top of a lot of things, of course).
When I was younger, I would say maybe early 20s, I knew I was pretty. I shed the extra weight I had in high school, my skin cleared up, and boys started asking me out. I reveled in this newfound attention.
At some point during those years, I became a drunken buffoon, super loud, super skanky, super braggy, and super thirsty for attention. I’ll save the embarrassing details. Yes, I would still attract men, but never the ones I wanted, always the ones I’d regret. It took me a long time to finally realize I didn’t need to work so hard on showing others I was happy and awesome. If I were truly happy and awesome, people would see it without my putting in so much effort.
I began focusing on other aspects of my life besides looking good or peacocking (Urban Dictionary defines peacocking as “dressing for attention like a peacock does to get a mate”). I also began working on controlling my drinking behavior (hey, you gotta learn to keep it together sometime). You can still be drunk and keeps it classy.
No more caking make-up all over my skin or drawing in panda eyes with my eyeliner, I went for a more natural look. Ok, by “natural” I mean getting eyelash extensions! Not only did this expensive hobby save time with makeup, I was also putting on less eyeliner. As for my cake face, on nonspecial days, I would forego the foundation, and let all my pimples hang… wishing to Sweet Baby Jesus that I wouldn’t run into a hot dude while walking my dog.
I continued working out for my health, and I took a step back and examined my wardrobe. See through shirts and Crop tops galore. Short shorts and tiny skirts. Yes, I was petite and fit, but was it really necessary for me to show that all off to others? Strangers? What did I have to prove? That I was attractive with great abs? So I began dressing “sexy” but “classy”. I would wear alluring clothes, but cover up all my naughty parts, letting guys run away with their own imagination.
I remember one night when I was approached by 10 different men (in a 3-hour time span), while I was vacationing in London. That was by far a personal record. You know what I was wearing? Head-to-toe all black. A sleeveless black shirt that revealed absolutely nothing underneath a black leather jacket, black skintight long pants, and black combat boots. I looked cool AF without showing any of my goodies.
I worked on my attitude and confidence as well. I used to think confidence was being able to say anything and everything to a guy, regardless of content. Don’t get me wrong, I applaud any woman with balls large enough to approach a dude they’re interested in, but I’m much more old-school these days. I prefer doing as little work as I can to get a guy, and they must approach me first. If they don’t, their loss. There are plenty of other fishies in the sea. If they do, that’s attractive AF to me. Blah, blah.
Lastly, I worked on my insecurity. For years, I’d openly admit that I was insecure about certain things.. my intelligence, my body, my boobs, my sense of humor, my job, etc. I wanted everyone to like me. How do you tackle a beast like insecurity?
My answer was creating goals for myself. If I truly feel like I’m not as intelligent as others, then I should either go back to school or take a class on a subject I’m interested in. Or I can read a good book or watch something educational. If I truly have issues with my body, then I should work out. If I feel like I’m lacking a sense of humor, psh. As long as I’m funny to myself, I don’t care. Laughter (even alone) is a great for fighting unhappiness.
And my job? Well, I really only went after jobs I wanted. During my free time, instead of spending all those nights out partying, I would research and hone my skills.
For boobies, I could accept that my breasts are kind of teeny, and dream about getting plastic surgery in the future when I can afford it (and after I’ve accomplished my other goals lol).
I’ve talked about my Perfect Man Method a few times already, but to reiterate, I basically use this method as a jumpoff point for my own life goals. I would imagine my perfect guy, someone way out of my league, super intimidating, and beyond my imagination. I would write down his specific qualities… active in sports, volunteers for the greater good, graduated college at least, tall and handsome, great with dogs, funny, blah. I would create my Perfect Man list, and at the end, cross off “PERFECT MAN” and change it to, how to become my perfect self.
If I managed to achieve all those qualities, when it comes time to meet this “perfect man”, I’d be his equal. There would be no insecurity because I’m there already.
Anyways, those are my thoughts about that quote above. Whenever I see a beautiful woman who’s hungry for attention, I cringe and shake my head. She doesn’t need to be that way and the only person she needs to prove anything to is herself.
PS. Don’t get me wrong. I still love dressing up, wearing skanky clothes, and being alluring and a sex kitten and stuff. I just reel in my behavior. No more falling over dudes, no more drinking til I’m sloppy, no more being an object for slimey men.
Thanks,
Homegirl
