Sometimes, it so happens that seemingly unrelated incidents can merge together and enhance your perspective in such a way that you want to share your heartfelt conviction with the world. You want to shout it from the mountaintops and spread it through all your circles because you want everyone to see, to feel, to understand and to change. You want to bring the change. You want to be the change.
I went through something like this a couple of weeks ago. I was scrolling through Facebook when I came across a post about the ways in which Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) interacted with children. I was intrigued because one comes across a lot of posts on social media pertaining to religion but they are mostly about rituals or rights of parents and so forth while this seemed like something different. I have always been amazed at how much our Prophet (pbuh) was able to handle, at how well rounded he was – from trade to religious preaching, from warfare to negotiations and legislations – he had his hands full. And yet, this post was about something so basic, so organic – dealing with children.
The post explained how he (pbuh) was always gentle and affectionate with children and it reminded me of a lecture I had attended where the speaker spoke about how the Prophet (pbuh) would call out “I love you’ to children playing on the streets as he passed them by. These children were not necessarily his own children or children from his family. They were just children but the Prophet (pbuh) recognized that they needed to be loved and they needed to be told that they are loved.
The post went on to talk about how he was playful with them and let them get messy. He was always honest with them and took care of their physical appearance. He took care of their needs even if he was busy doing something. An example was cited here of how he was in the middle of a sermon and he saw his grandsons approaching. But before they could reach him, they fell. He (pbuh) paused his lecture, walked down from the pulpit and tended to their minor “ouchies” before continuing. Imagine a man of his stature actually stopped a sermon only to console his grandsons and make them feel better. I, for one, cannot imagine any man of importance today, interrupting his speech for something so seemingly minor.
I felt tears at the back of my eyes as I read these points in that post. Sometimes, even as a mother, I get so busy in the daily grind that I forget to tell my son that I love him; if he gets hurt and it doesn’t look serious, I might distractedly pat his knee and say, “It’s ok”; if I’ve just cleaned up the living room and he decides to dump his entire toy box, it can trigger me off. And yet, here I was reading about this man – this political and religious leader, this military man (and we all know how strict army men are always projected to be) who paused whatever he was doing and catered to the needs of children, irrespective of what was happening around him.
And yet, we see parents today, with little time to attend to their children. Sure, they aim to provide the basics – food on the table, education, entertainment and toys – according to their financial ability, but when it comes to food for the soul – love, affection, getting down to their level and most importantly, being mentally present – we can be quite lacking. What impacted me the most about this post was that it was about a man showing affection and emotion towards children whereas, fathers today still shy away from the emotional responsibility of raising children and hide behind work, stress and friends. This post showed me that parenting is not just a mother’s job; rather, a father’s bonding and emotional connection can have a strong and much-needed impact on a child’s life.
Coincidentally, the same day that I came across this post, my husband and I attended a family play event organized by Hiba Masood, also known as Drama Mama. The event was the last in a series of family based events, designed to encourage parents to play with their children. The event we had registered for was called Little Town and it was basically a large scale pretend play setup. It was an outdoor event in a garden divided into miniature town essentials made out of cardboard and other items – a palace, a mosque, a construction site, a phone booth, a hospital, an ambulance, a vegetable shop, a library, a bakery and so forth and families were just supposed to play freely.
The objective behind this and the other events in the series was that families that play together are happy. And believe me it was so much fun, not to mention a learning experience!
My husband and I play with our three-year-old quite a bit, both at home and outdoors – in play areas, parks and the pool. But playing alongside other families is an experience in itself. Some people are natural players while others need to work at it and playing in the company of other parents helps you pick up tips and tricks if you are not a natural player yourself.
Moreover, it provides parents with an opportunity to teach children the concepts of sharing, cooperation and waiting for turns. And of course, it gives parents a chance to find and give reassurance to other parents when children do not cooperate with each other. And most of all, this particular event brought fathers into the picture – not as a person who instills fear and commands respect but as a friend, a playmate, a hugger. It was a very tiring day but you know what? At the end of it, lying in bed, cuddling with us, our three-year-old said,
“I had a great day today!”
The point of this piece you wonder? It is this. Two seemingly different occurrences – an FB post and a family play event, had the same objective – to bring families together, to connect and to shower love, love and more love on our children, especially when they are very young. And you know what I have learnt in the three years of being a parent? When I get down to his level, when I am present emotionally and mentally, when I put away my phone, involve him in the tasks I am doing, hug him through tantrums instead of yelling at him, is when our household has the most peace.
And this brings me to another extremely crucial point. Hiba’s family play program was centered around the idea that families who play together are happy, and rightly so. However, it is crucial to remember that parenting is a relationship that stems from the spousal relationship and hence, it is as essential if not more, for the couple to be emotionally connected; for them to laugh together and be ‘present’ for each other. I truly believe happiness breeds happiness and couples who are happy with each other and connected to each other can provide a healthy and nurturing environment for their children.
So play, laugh, paint and make a mess, crawl around your house with them playing lions and tigers, kick a ball, climb a tree, jump a rope. Let them climb on your back when you prostrate in your prayer, ask them for help setting the table, put away your phones and gadgets and just “be” with them.
Like the motivational speaker, Dennis Waitley said,
“A good life is a collection of happy moments.”
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