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The Feminist And The Cowboy: An Unlikely Love Story (2013)

by Alisa Valdes(Favorite Author)

2.61 of 5 Votes: 1

ISBN

1592407900 (ISBN13: 9781592407903)

languge

English

genre

Romance

publisher

Gotham

review 1: I'm giving The Feminist and the Cowboy four stars because it was a great and complicated book. Don't misunderstand me. I knew EXACTLY what I was getting into reading this memoir, having gobbled up articles from Gawker, Salon, New York Post, Jezebel and the Atlantic, either attacking the book or pointing out that the relationship ended in allegations of abuse by the cowboy. I love sweet sweet gossip, and dear god do I want to more about what really went on here. The book is as "batcrap nuts" as the author describes herself to be: partly narrated like standup comedy, part straw-man in its treatment of feminists and conservatives, part pathos, brutally honest in what the dirty laundry the author was willing to air and say about her ex husband and her father as well as her... moreself, and holy unreliable narrator batman. Yeah, there's something a little off about the cowboy, especially when he bans snarky remarks, and female door opening and lies about that other woman he was dating. Not to mention the fact that except when he explicitly tells our heroine he likes her, he seems to have no respect for her whatesover. But let's talk about the author. She doesn't hide the fact that she is a crazy person in the book, and details spending an entire night screaming loudly, pushing the cowboy into walls, or emailing the cowboy incessantly after their many breakups, until after days/weeks/a stalkerish number of emails and her not taking "no, go away" as an answer. Or "get professional help". Well she does, and then she tells him about it, and manipulates him into writing back. On the other hand, I've loved and been rejected such that I can identify with that unconditional and irrational desire to care for someone who doesn't care for you or deserve it because they don't care for you.I really like the Ms. Valdes's voice, though at times, I couldn't stand her or the cowboy and I don't think I would like to know either of them in real life. Yet Valdes is a talented enough writer that she shows you what dysfunction looks like from the inside, the his and hers versions. It's not the whole truth, but parts of it are very raw and real and brutally honest. As for the women and men have special jobs and modern feminists are stupid to be mad about certain stuff, yeah, I just skimmed that bullshit.
review 2: Sometimes our experiences & lessons need time to ripen. This is one such story that would have been better told after years had passed and it could be placed in perspective. The unhealthy relationship between Valdes and the cowboy is never named - a fact that might have been clearer had it been written years later. Instead, Valdes confuses her readers by glorifying the relationship. In addition, her neurotic internal dialogue (the kind we all occasionally have) spills across the pages instead of being fodder for a more refined and succinct narrative. I believe Valdes' 'aha' is poorly illuminated in this form and context. Her revelation about the biological component of gender is watered down and becomes a validation for the Cowboy's abuse. Although I disagree with her conclusion on the topic, it IS a topic worthy of exploration, and in dialogue with other feminist theories would have made an interesting book. Instead of a book about gender and the political, social, and economic landscape of love punctuated by inspirational and cautionary tales alike, we are left with one woman's unedited diary detailing the intellectual calisthenics and morass of emotion she experiences in her relationship with a domineering man. Skip this book unless you have the patience and time to devote to it. less

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