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Earth (The Audiobook): A Visitor's Guide To The Human Race (2011)

by Jon Stewart(Favorite Author)

3.9 of 5 Votes: 5

ISBN

1607886154 (ISBN13: 9781607886150)

languge

English

genre

History & Biography

publisher

Hachette Audio

review 1: Looking at some of the other reviews, I'm supremely glad I picked up the audiobook instead of the actual book. It worked wonderfully as an audiobook. Like, amazingly so. I actually remember listening to one particular part and wondering just how that was going to translate into text (apparently, the answer to that was not very well). This is a tongue-in-cheek guide to Earth to the aliens who find the planet after humans have all destroyed ourselves. It's pretty hilarious, if you're okay with the fact that this book is basically making fun of us (for the record, I am, because we are a truly ridiculous species). Really glad I picked this up several years ago when I had eye surgery. I only wish I'd listened to it sooner.
review 2: This book is a comedy about Earth... more and everything it contains in which we explain our planet to the future aliens who will come here after we're all long dead. It features colorful pictures and hilarious descriptions. I could go on and on about how awesome this book is, but I think it would be best to put in some of my favorite quotes:"Some claimed homosexuality could be 'cured' through fervent prayer to a semi-naked thirtysomething man tied to a cross and whipped by men dressed as Roman centurions." (pg. 43)"Pajamas were special clothes people had to start wearing when their kids turned three." (pg. 56)"For thousands of years our ancestors had to hunt, fish and fight in the wilderness to survive. Thanks to their hard work, modern man had the time to spend thousands of dollars pursuing the very same activities. We called them hobbies." (pg, 222)"To test Abraham's faith, God commanded him to slit the throat of his son Isaac. Abraham, a clear team player, agreed, but at the last second God had him sacrifice a ram instead. To commemorate this event all Jewish males have their foreskins cut off at a catered brunch on their eighth day of life. Abraham's devotion earned the Jews the title of 'God's Chosen People,' and nothing bad ever happened to them again." (pg. 150) "Charles II of Spain (1661-1700) was ideally suited to lead due to his pure royal blood: his mother was his first cousin and his aunt was his grandmother. Unfortunately, sorcerers hexed Charles with sub-moronic intelligence, madness and a tongue so large he couldn't chew his food." (pg. 94)"Pets: Domesticated for use as helpers, companions, and substitute children." (pg. 27)"Hell was a fiery stygian pit of endless suffering, punctuated by noxious odors, bubbling semen and unrelenting Muzak. You earned this fate by either A) being bad; B) being good, but worshipping the wrong God; or C) being good, worshipping the right God but neglecting some other fundamental sacrament you didn't even know existed like you're no supposed to get married on a Tuesday." (pg. 173) less

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