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How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage (2008)

by Milan Yerkovich(Favorite Author)

4.3 of 5 Votes: 1

ISBN

1400072999 (ISBN13: 9781400072996)

languge

English

genre

Nonfiction

publisher

WaterBrook Press

review 1: This was a fascinating book. I have been listening to the New Life Live radio show for about six months, and Milan Yerkovich is one of the co-hosts on the show. Milan and his wife Kay are both counselors and have presented this information, which is based on attachment theory, in many workshops before writing it down to share with a wider audience.Although the subtitle references marriage, I think How We Love would be helpful for anyone, as our attachment style affects all of our relationships and learning about it can help us become more of a secure person with anyone, not just a spouse.After describing what they call a "secure connector," the Yerkoviches discuss five primary attachment styles:the Avoider,the Pleaser,the Vacillator,the Controller, and the Victim.These l... moreast two are considered to be different ways people respond to growing up in a chaotic environment. It was very confusing for me at first because I saw myself in most of what was described, and identified strongly with three of the styles and mildly with the other two. Finally, in the chapter on "Identifying Your Love Style," I learned why when they said:"We find that people from chaotic homes often see themselves on nearly every page. (It's also not uncommon for people from chaotic backgrounds to initially feel confused as they read about the different imprints.)"In the second part of the book, Milan and Kay focus on how people with different attachment styles often interact, showing us several distinct patterns that can emerge. From there, they go into some teaching on how to truly connect with your spouse using what they call the comfort circle. I didn't spend as much time on these sections since my husband and I are separated, but there was a lot of good information.The book I purchased has a workbook included, and I found much of this to be very helpful as well. There are numerous places in both the book and the workbook where the authors list characteristics of each attachment style or even statements that a person with that style would be likely to make. I found these lists extremely useful in figuring out what fit me the most.I would highly recommend How We Love whether you are in a relationship or not - I found it to be very insightful and helped me look at a lot of things in my past that I didn't realize were affecting me still in my life.
review 2: I highly recommend this book, which was recommended to me by a friend who is a Christian counselor. It opened my eyes to some of my early life experiences, explaining how those experiences, through the years, have deeply affected me in all of my relationships. I have advised many people to read this book, as well as the Yerkovichs' subsequent book on the same topic but geared to children, which I have also reviewed on this site. less

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