Another Baby?

A couple of weeks ago Anthony and I announced via our social medias that we are expecting baby number two. If you somehow missed that then..SURPRISE! We have had mixed responses to the news somewhat understandable, the people we assumed would respond negatively have been surprisingly positive; however it is the people I expected no real response from or at least a who cares attitude from to be the more negative.

The negative reactions usually start like; another baby? You’re pregnant again? Were you guys trying? Yes another baby. Yes I’m pregnant again. No we were not trying. I have never had a problem with birth control failing or missing a day effecting anything but I had Aaliyah only nine short months ago and it is even easier the second time than it is the first. I don’t feel the need to explain myself this isn’t what that is, although it might feel a lot like a “my side of the story” post but this has been an extremely weird time for me and it felt like the prime opportunity to spout some not so wise mommy truth.

First off I am due in May. Due date May 27th to be on the dot about it. I am 20 weeks and 1 day, so halfway to the finish line. We waited quite a while to announce it to the world. Really only my best friends, his best friend and our moms knew. The reluctancy came from me, we didn’t have the best response to the news of Aaliyah even though she is loved now, so I did not expect this time to be any different. If anything it would be worse, right. On top of that I had a hard time coming to terms with a second little one entering our lives. I wasn’t feeling a connection to the baby and I was not excited. When I finally broke down and told my best friends I cried. Right there at work, no shame, total meltdown. They embraced me in the tightest hug (one of whom is not a hugger that’s how serious it was). I admitted to them that I felt guilty. How could I do this to Aaliyah? She needs me and has so much going on in her world and she’s too young to understand, for me to prepare her for this change that is about to occur in her life. Every family member I could avoid I did, I just knew that if they saw me they would be able to tell. I knew that when we announced it would be over social media or by mail because I did not have the balls to face everyone face to face. Or to hear for the millionth time in my life how they loved me but were disappointed.

Even after announcing it I still felt the need to in some way hide, only posting the first picture featuring my fastly growing baby bump just days ago. Why am I still hiding? Why am I ashamed of this little miracle growing inside me? Planned or unplanned that’s what this baby is. What both it and Aaliyah are. They are my little miracles. Yes another baby. Because why the hell not! I am married. It has a home. A family. Love. Support. We work, provide and fight for our kids. Are kids expensive? Yes. They are expensive whether the parents are 20 or 40. They are expensive 13 months apart or 13 years. We have struggled, and we inevitably struggle again not necessarily financially but people struggle. We’re a family, a unit, a team we’ll get through it like we always do when that day comes. We are damn good parents, so yes I’m pregnant again.

Dad, Big Sister, Mom

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