” Baby Don’t Hurt Me. Don’t Hurt Me. No More…”
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist that. ) :)) But on a serious note, as I sit here in my deep thoughts on the matter, the whole ‘knowing God’ as my answer to the Love query, has been a persistent–almost nagging–recurring notion. My parents struggled to show affection and ‘love’ during my childhood and, for the most part, nothing has really changed. We say we love each other. We text using cute emojis. But the quality, I now understand, will never be to my ideal expectations. I have accepted it. I don’t like it…but I have accepted that my interactions with them are at their peak until God calls them home. It is my promise to never allow this current level to wane or weaken until such time. I never want to feel as if I didn’t give in and take what I could…as much or as little as that may be. I do believe they both love God. I know God loves them. It is for them to work out their own relationships with the Father and with Christ. If they find more love in their hearts to share with their children, as the years continue to tick by, then we only stand to gain.
Because of This Atrophic Model of Love. I Can Admit My Love IQ is Quite Low.
However, my parents are NOT the ‘end-all-be-all’. Like me, they are flawed mortals. Imperfect. Forgivable. But, as I type this–I can’t say I KNOW what love is. I have never been in-love, romantically. I have wanted to…but never pulled that trigger. I love my family and my sons and my friends…but I have never allowed myself to love a man with all of my being. I honestly don’t know if I am capable of recognizing TRUE and AUTHENTIC loving interest. (I know, that sounds crazy to me, too.) So, if I am to define Love, find Love, have Love–I MUST go to the source! And, as we all know GOD IS LOVE. If God is Love, then knowing Him, His ways, His objectives, His directives, His intentions, His goals for Mankind…HAS to lead to discovering true, romantic Love.
The Task Feels Daunting…
…like I’m going for a degree. But I know, so deeply in my soul now, that this is the ONLY SOLUTION to my quest for authentic, responsible and loving reciprocity with another human being. If I know God and His love…then it should just pour freely from me, right? I also believe that if I know Love that then–and only then–will I be able to recognize it when I see it in others. I must learn and be able to respect its gravity, its affect–its impact and tremendous need. I MUST know this before I, too, am called home. I feel it will be my life’s greatest achievement. I feel like I will finally know and have the freedom to live my BEST years. Unafraid. Fully Confident– because if God is Love and I have Love…then how in the world can I lose?? Amen!
One of My Favorite Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 1-13: NIV Version
1 If I speak in the tonguesaof men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,b but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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