Publishing year: 2013
RATING: OK AND FUNNY
SPOILERS!!!
This is just a brief novel about Matt Bunion, a twenty-something year-old man, who intends to lose his virginity before Christmas. In his past there have been women, but his relationships have always been a disaster.
To achieve his goal, he first decides to go to a dating website, and through it he meets Tara, who apparently is a lovely woman. After a couple of dates, she hints that she is ready to take the relationship to the next level. Matt is nervous as he steps into her swanky flat. Tara then shows she has a fetish taste for glass, and what she asks Matt is to lie flat on her glass coffee table while she gets under it. The table cracks under Matt’s weight, and they end up in A & E when Matt falls on Tara and she finds blood on her head.
Then Matt decides to hit on a friend, Hayley, who he knows has a crush on him. Hayley is a freaky science fiction afficionado, and he regularly meets his likeminded friends. One of them is Hayley, the only woman in the group. Matt doesn’t really fancy Hayley, but when the others have gone, he makes her think he likes her. When she takes him to the bedroom, she tells him she has a present for him, a miniature ewok, which he leaves on her bedside table. They start kissing and when things get hot, he somehow jumps and ends up with the miniature ewok stuck in his backside. So once again he has to go back to the hospital, where there same nurse, Christina, treats him.
The third attempt Matt makes is to hire a prostitute. His brother-in-law takes him to a casino and introduces him to a prostitute. They go to her flat, and he discovers that she loves Christmas. The flat is brimmed with Christmas decorations, and when they start the physical contact, she plays some Christmas songs. Matt feels uncomfortable with the music, and when Cliff Richard starts playing, he stops. He says that he can’t stand Cliff Richard, and the prostitute feels offended and hits him on the head with a sexual toy. Matt runs out of the flat, and he feels dizzy. As luck will have it, Christina, the nurse, is there, and she helps him before he faints. She calls an ambulance, and the paramedic, who is Christina’s friend, tells him to take it easy. From the conversation between Christina and the paramedic he realises that Christina has told the other woman about the ewok episode and he feels humiliated.
When the ambulance goes, he is angry and tells Christina so. Christina admits to having told Sally about him, but because she fancies him. So at the end of the novella Christina gives him a kiss and her telephone number, and Matt realises that this Christmas, he might have got something more important than the loss of his virginity.
The book was funny although it was a bit scatological. Good fun for a bit.
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