Finding love in a big city like London is hard. A demanding work schedule, making time for the gym, dodging moped thieves and fuckboys left and right leaves precious little time for meeting Mr. Right. All the sane men seem to be taken or playing for the other team.
I am like you, dear reader. I understand. I had resigned myself to a lifetime of buying bridesmaid’s dresses, bottomless Sunday brunches and frozen “Be Good to Yourself” brand dinners from Sainsbury’s every night until a chance encounter changed everything.
I met someone. Someone amazing. Someone I’d never thought actually existed. He had style. He had class. And he was interested in me.
I won’t say what his name is here, for obvious reasons. He popped up, as if by magic, when I was having a garden party with friends. He was a friend of a friend who drops by from time to time, usually unannounced.
This is our mutual friend. Would have dated him too TBH.
We really hit it off. Here’s what he was like.
He was smooth and elegant AF.
His feet hardly made any noise when they touched the ground. He moved with effortless grace. Watching him walk through my kitchen was like watching an acrobat on a trampoline, or a dancer effortlessly leaping and pirouetting about. Nothing like the thunderous, belching guys I’d dated before. It was almost…inhuman, the way he moved.
Look at that attentive gaze!
He always surprised me.
Mostly by showing up at the times I’d least expect him to show up, like that time I stayed home from work with a horrible sore throat on a Tuesday and he came to visit me. So sweet!
Or that time I was watching TV, eating Doritos and finishing off an entire bottle of red wine late one Friday night and I turned to see him staring at me through the window. I projectile vomited all over the TV in shock but still, so sweet!
He loved the thrill of The Chase.
As in, he would actually wait until my back was turned and then pounce on me and bite my ankles.
He was easy to please.
Have you ever dated someone where nothing you did was ever quite good enough? Your outfits and makeup never got a compliment? That whole dinner you cooked just for him was just “ok”?
This guy was never like that. The things that made him happiest were eating the remnants of my baked potatoes and watching the washing machine complete its spin cycle, as well as basking in the aura of my company.
Also this startling garbage can.
Affectionate but not overbearing
I love snuggles in bed and bear hugs in the kitchen and cute text messages in the morning. But I’ve definitely dated guys where it got too much. We could never have a proper conversation because they wouldn’t stop calling me pet names like Pookie and Babiecakes. Authenticity, please! I want a soulmate, not a dog. But I don’t want a relationship that’s as barren of affection as my fridge is of edible food on a Tuesday night.
This guy gave me my space when I needed it. Sometimes, I just want to browse Instagram for 8 hours and eat raw cookie dough without him. Other times a need a hug. My new guy was just as happy letting me give him pets on the couch as he was doing his own thing.
Check out this sneaky pic I snapped of him hanging out in the back garden – as soon as he saw me he ran over to show me how much he cares. Love him!
Unfortunately, it didn’t work out.
This was mainly due to the fact that this guy is a fucking cat and incapable of human affection and sexual intercourse.
That being said, this gives me hope for the time when my single days are over.
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