Depression and mania go together like depression and mania; I mean, like pork and beans, ham and cheese, cats and mice (which actually do go together. They aren’t natural enemies it turns out. Who knew?) Of course we know this from a bipolar perspective, but what happens when you mix anxiety and depression together akin to the three witches of Macbeth? This liquid stew inevitably brings forth the scents of worry of manic depression or mania.
For example, if today I feel non-depressed (for depressed is now a natural state), am I healing or am I manic? Don’t get me wrong, there is and can be an actual answer to this question (hint: see a medical practitioner), but my point has more to do with backdoor hearsay, a la what you are thinking as opposed to the truth. If you really want to have some fun, throw some caffeine in the mix. Now we have a third option: am I healing; am I manic; or, am I caffeinated?
I’ve found myself more talkative on the “rebound” than before, but am I gasping for air as I come up from the depths or have I merely transitioned to another plane of existence – this one highly excitable as opposed to lowly drownable? How do we know? Do we seek out more diagnoses or do we wade it out? Once again, I’m ignoring a focus on knowing the objectifiable truth – this is how one (I) feels during the so-called spell of excitability.
Another question, fore questions only beget questions, is whether or not this a problem in the first place, i.e. a non-manic, manic spell. What happens when the healing becomes the problem? Are we the disordered in a constant state of static transition? Does one disorder love another? Does rambling ease or cause the problem? Does a blog post merely distract or begin a process of healing? Does an essay desire readers, attention, and stats; or, does it long for printing in the modern age (typed, alone, darkness)?
Excitability brings on excitability. Your friend arrives Friday night unexpected and expectedly wants to party – guess what? You’re partying as the transference requires. This law applies to excitability in our everyday lives in one fashion or another. Maybe my excitability doesn’t lead you to movement, but it does affect your mood positively or negatively. Of course this works in the mirror of ourselves as well. My caffeinated rush results in panic over mania, which (surprise) warrants more panic and “mania.”
To be clear to the point of hand holding – this isn’t about self-diagnosing. I’ve seen mania in action to know well enough that I objectively am distant from that spectral sphere or have only dallied at the borders at most. This is about our fears of mental illness. Our fears of new lands yet uncharted.
For now, Mania, we are merely acquaintances. I hope one day to say I barely knew you.
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