Post by Deepika on Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg’s, Modern Romance: An Investigation
If you like me, are a sociology noob and would like to explore the writing in that area, look no further than Modern Romance: An Investigation. Written by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg, this book explores romance in the age of instant messaging, dating apps and increasing choice. The casual style of writing balances out all the heavy data and analysing that comes from such a widespread study. Some of the themes explored in the book are reflected in Ansari’s show Master of None. While the show focuses mostly on Ansari’s cultural experience as a first-generation immigrant, the romantic themes explored in the show don’t stray very far from the book.
What interests me most about the book is the varied sources the authors picked their data from. Gathering information from more casual forums like Reddit as opposed to more formally instituted focus group discussions must have generated far more interesting output presumably. The ability to conduct a social research on such an abstract and subjective topic such as ‘love’ or ‘romance’, throws a lot of light on varying and similar deeper social practices and patterns, specifically around heterosexual relationships that this particular book delves into. Granted the focus is mostly on the American dating culture, but a couple of chapters also explore these themes in France, Japan and Argentina. However, despite it being far removed from my own cultural situation, I could really feel myself nodding my head in agreement with a lot of things that a lot of people have said about romance. If there ever was a standard practice to analyse a lot of behaviour against, this book provides you that standard. At one point, the authors talk about the paradox of choice and how we are constantly looking for the next best thing. This is possibly the most relatable aspect of modern living that seems to be manifest everywhere; looking for better and better options. Why do we look for the perfect person? Why is it that we insist on intensely scrutinising every piece of conversation and arriving at harsh judgments? These are some questions that are explored through reaching out to people and analysing their perspectives on dating, social media and the practices that emerge from increased connectivity. Particularly interesting is this anecdote of someone who preferred meeting people through community activities like attending church or charity events rather than Tinder or OKCupid; the context being the frustration associated with not communicating face to face and the pressure of having to sound funny, cool, sexy and smart over a medium which may not fully convey your personality, to impress a swiping individual who may not be interested in you after all if you don’t look like a million bucks!
After the swiping comes the negotiating of the tricky and messy world of texting and its various ramifications. I would presume that if you like me, have a tendency to over-analyse and debate the most random of hellos, you might find that you are not alone in this world nor is your tendency exaggerated at times. If despite my waxing eloquent (although that may be subject to debate) so far, you have failed to find reason to pick up this book, I must tempt you with the promise that you will find little tips and tricks in there which you might find to your benefit in your own romantic pursuit. It covers quite the gamut of experiences from first dates to relationships to sexting, cheating and breaking up.
Other interesting aspects the authors note is on the cultural variations on the notions of what is considered appropriate behaviour in the pursuit of romance, marriage, adultery and the like. If anything, it sets one pondering if the French have it all figured out and if it is very wise after all, to visit Argentina. More importantly, it sets the stage for further explorations in Indian & other cultures. I would presume that a book Indian notions of ‘love’ would make for quite a colourful book given the intricacies of the Indian culture. If you are mulling about taking up a reading habit or are already in the middle of one, I urge you to take up Modern Romance at once!
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