It’s my birthday and I’m stuck at work because reasons, so instead of doing library stuff, I’m typing up this blog entry. Enjoy!
Spring 1996. It was my last year in the ballet company, and I knew it. I was worn down – like, I can’t overemphasize how BUSY I was in high school, between dancing and horseback riding and having to maintain all A’s and B’s lest my parents freak out.
I wasn’t enjoying ballet as much as I used to. I liked performing, sure, but I was no longer putting in the amount of effort I needed to excel now that I was getting into advanced levels of technique. Also, my right Achille’s tendon was a growing problem. I’d had to miss a bunch of Nutcracker rehearsals and classes at the end of the previous year, and it always felt a little uncomfortable since then (not to mention my right hip and knee as well). So, even before roles were posted, I was pretty sure Sleeping Beauty was going to be my last hurrah.
The first cast list went up. I was in the Waltz, and Polacca. . .whatever that was. Okay. Then next time I checked I was cast as a Dryad. And the time after that, I’d also been made an understudy for the Fairy Attendants in the Prologue.
Casting is always a fraught issue, and it was hard to tell what the roles I’d been given “meant” until rehearsals began. Let’s run down the list:
The Waltz – (This isn’t like our choreography AT ALL, but so you know the song I’m talking about: https://youtu.be/ab2rJbA5cGw) I’ve posted pics from this before, the yellow dress with the flower garland. This. . .was a bit of a slight. There were three “tiers” of dancers in the waltz – the peach girls, which was everyone else in my age group, en pointe; the yellow girls, in which I was with mostly younger or less experienced girls, flat shoes; and the green girls, the really younger kids. I should have been in the peach group, and the fact that I wasn’t was NOT cool.
Polacca – wasn’t anything mysterious, just a “lady of the court” of sorts in the final act, Aurora’s wedding. Mostly a character dance at the beginning with a lot of standing or sitting around the stage watching gracefully. This was with other girls in my age group, so okay. I honestly remember NOTHING about this dance, lol.
Fairy Attendants – (The girls in purple who enter at 5:45: https://youtu.be/vFzrqJBUUN4) I was an understudy, which again was irksome, as most of the girls who fully had the role were in my age group. Although it was never insinuated, I think part of the reason I wasn’t made one outright was because of the costume, a traditional short tutu. I was NOT a skinny dancer, in fact I weighed a good 25+ lbs more then than now, and I held much of that weight in my hips and thighs. To be blunt, that type of costume would not have been flattering on me, and I do believe that came into consideration.
This is a generic image (not my company), but yeah. . .THAT kind of tutu.
Dryads – (The dancers in the longish tutus: https://youtu.be/_XQibp07FPU Our choreography was pretty damn similar to this. I was in the front groups for like the entirety of 11:09 to the end. Hell is linked arm dances!) Now here was the interesting thing. As much as I seemed to be passed over, Dryads was much MORE advanced than any of those other roles. It was en pointe AND mostly made up of women from the senior company, not just older junior company members. Like, some of our soloists were Dryads. . .and then there was me? It was hard, but not impossible, and I think I held my own during our early rehearsals.
Then something happened.
The artistic director of our company was ill with lung cancer, and in the middle of Sleeping Beauty rehearsals, she could no longer be around. Her daughter, ex-husband (the artistic director of a different ballet company) and a couple of other people stepped in to finish setting the show. As horrible as this is to say, this change worked in my favor.
Even at the height of my abilities, I’ve always been more of an expressive dancer than a super technical one. The artistic director who stepped in (the ex-husband), seemed to appreciate this quality. He finished teaching us the Waltz, and stuck as I was with the younger girls, I was suddenly front and center (oh snap!) a good chunk of the time. We had like one or two Dryads rehearsals with him, and then IT happened.
Before rehearsal began, we were asked to gather around him at the front of the room – NEVER a good feeling, because you know SOMETHING is up.
The news was this: There was not going to be enough room on stage for the number of Dryads currently cast, so several girls had to be cut from the role. Names were read.
I was one of those names.
“If your name hasn’t been called. . .I’m sorry.”
Wait, what.
I. . .was still in. I was still a Dryad! But there was no time to gloat. The girls who hadn’t been kept were crying, upset, pissed. One thing you need to know is that I wasn’t particularly friendly with any of the girls in my ballet classes. Female friendships haven’t been a part of my life since middle school, and this was no different. Of the girls who had been asked to stay in the role, I was definitely the least experienced, the most questionable choice. But hey, this artistic director liked me, liked something about my dancing, so I wasn’t going to complain.
Dryad mode.
Besides, this was just the way of the world. Some teachers liked you, some didn’t. Same with choreographers or stagers or whatever. One of my teachers that year (also a senior company dancer, also a Dryad, lol) outright did not like me. Put me in the absolute back for our recital dance, barely paid attention to me in class. Didn’t know why then, still don’t to this day. On the other hand, a guest instructor we had that year seemed to adore me, even had us work on sections from Dryads in class so I could get in extra practice. Again, no known reason why.
It was a challenging role, but rehearsals and performances all happened without a hitch. My Achille’s tendon was starting to act up again though, solidifying my thought that this was the end for me, and it was. I was in one more show, a single dance in some contemporary thing, and the recital, but that was all.
So, hope this has been an interesting, if LONG, read! I’m always happy to answer questions about my dancing experiences and especially helping other writers who may be writing about ballerinas or ballet and don’t have firsthand experience. Take care!
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