Today was a later start than normal because I was up late with my hubby enjoying a movie. But, a late start doesn’t mean no start!
Check-in for 1/2/18:
Medications have been taken.
Stairs steps have been done. I did the same as yesterday and after 40 steps, I felt like I could maybe push myself a little more. I did 10 more steps on each side. This put my total stair step count at 60 steps. In my heart, I really wanted to do more!
This is part of my emotional state that causes me to give up and fail at most things in life.
I am never satisfied with anything that I do.
I’ve written about it before and I’m so tired of wanting to feel good about something and never feeling good!
Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I love our family. They are the one thing in my life that gives me complete joy and happiness!
But, don’t ask me if I think I’m a good wife or think that I’m a good mom. I will be able to spill out to you all kinds of ways that I think I could do better at both, ways that I suck at both, ways that I feel I’m a complete failure at both. I won’t, however, be able to give you much of a list where I feel that I do great at both.
It’s the same with everything that I am responsible for or do just for enjoyment. Writing, crochet, knitting, baking, cooking, heck even the laundry!
I’ve had amazing support. I still have amazing support, especially from my husband. He tries so hard to build me up. The appreciation and love that I have for him is wordless.
While I still want and need to hear the things he tells me, I also need to figure out how to banish these negative feelings. I’ve written about this before too. I don’t know any fixes but I’m going to be more active in trying to change the way I think.
Today my mind said, “You’re only 42-years-old and 60 steps are ridiculous! You should be able to do so much more.”
To my negative mind I reply, “SHUT UP! I did it and it was good!”
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