How much is too much?
My mother thinks that my boyfriend and I have the perfect relationship.
“You have built in breaks from each other, that space is so valuable for a relationship.”
I am a self-described extroverted introvert. I will rally for the people and shift into a sociable gear as the situation demands. But, at the end of a long day of smiling and exhausting all my small talk topics, there is nothing I want more than to go home and decompress by snuggling with my boyfriend and my cat.
At the risk of sounding like a lovesick sap, I have never felt like I needed space from my significant other. I have always felt like being near my person always makes me the best version of myself. He energizes me, calms and soothes me, and most of all, he brings me my greatest comfort and happiness. I truly believe that we are always better when we are together.
If I could have my way, Tyler (the boyfriend) and I would be the Chip and Joanna Gaines of San Francisco. He would suddenly recognize a talent for renovation and construction, and I would inherit a keen sense of design. Together, we’d create the next generation of Painted Ladies up and down every hill in the city. Best of all, we would work together every day! The space between us would be zilch, none, zero.
This however, is not Tyler’s dream. He has no talent for construction despite all the episodes of Fixer Upper I make him watch. Tyler is also of the same school of thought as my mom; some space is good for us. It’s healthy to have some breaks from each other where we get to test our jokes on a fresh audience and swap stories with former strangers turned newer friends.
I recently flew a trip with a pair of flight attendants who were married, and I thought their lives were the most fascinating story I’ve come across in a while.
The Story of Lorelei and Luke
Once upon a time, there were two flight attendants who lived in Denver. Their names were Lorelei and Luke. They didn’t know it yet, but soon they would fall in love.
Denver is a small airport base; and while Luke was a few years senior in flying to Lorelei, oddly enough they hadn’t run into each other yet in the sky. Until one night, when they met on the ground.
The thing you need to know about flight attendants is that they are traditionally a fun bunch and always down for a party. Which coincidentally, is where Lorelei and Luke found themselves one warm night in Denver. At a party full of crew members who were off duty, our two flight attendants found each other and fell in love.
Life became a non-stop vacation. They shared the same trips, the same schedule, the same layover. Work was a chance to have a fun date in a new city. At the end of the work week, they’d get to drive home together and relax before embarking on a new adventure.
That was life as they knew it. Working together, flying together, and at the end of the night always getting to snuggle up with the person they loved wherever in the world they are. Together, non-stop, always. They loved it.
And then, their family grew by two. All of a sudden, they went from seeing each other every day to hardly seeing each other at all. When you’re parents, mom and dad both can’t take off on a week long trip. Someone has to stay home and take care of the kiddos. So, for almost 20 years they passed each other in the night. One came home and the other took off.
It’s only now that their kids are grown and they’ve become empty nesters that they’re getting to fly together again. Slowly, the space that grew between them is shrinking one leg at a time.
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Luke and Lorelei have been on severe ends of the spectrum of space. Close together, then far apart and now back together.
When I heard their story, I immediately thought of Tyler and imagined how great it would be if we could fly together and be home together. If the space between us went from a few days a part every week to none.
I love coming home. It doesn’t matter how ugly the day is, so long as I know the destination is home and a warm hug from my person. If Tyler and I had no space between us, I’d lose that feeling. I wouldn’t get my car ride home to gab about all the people I met, the stories I’ve heard, and the funny things I saw. I love having something to share.
Of course, I’m never going to say that I want more space between me and my loved one. I hate going to bed alone. I will always wish for a hug in real time when I’m having a bad day instead of waiting until I finish my trip. It’s always nicer to be able to have your person who knows you best share your joys and your lows.
I can’t know for certain what our life would be like if we shrunk the space between us. We haven’t gotten our big break on HGTV and Tyler still can’t build a house with his bare hands. We are not the Chip and Joanna Gaines of San Francisco. We are the Tyler and Amanda of the land and sky. No matter what though, we are always coming home to each other. We’ll always find time to reset and decompress in our favorite way: snuggled up close together with our little kitty baby.
We are always shrinking the space between us: one day, one flight, one drive, at a time.
Tyler & I on vacation in Marrakech, Oct. 2016
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