Arc of Infinity – You can see why the Doctor left Gallifrey; it really is one of the least interesting planets on the show. Ron Jones’s direction is uninspiring; the scenes filmed on location in Amsterdam are no more interesting than those set in the Gallifreyan airport lounge. I don’t like the design of Omega’s mask or the Ergon’s head – neither of them have a face, or even a design that resembles are face so you know where to look. They both seem to be a design of modern art with no focal point to draw the eye. The music is atrocious – Roger Limb’s found the trumpet function on his keyboard. The Doctor going quietly to his death seems out of character. And it’s not like he thinks he’s sacrificing himself for the greater good; if the Time Lords just bothered to investigate further he wouldn’t have to die at all. Maybe he did it because he knew he wouldn’t die and he wanted to find out who was behind it all, but that’s never suggested. Nyssa as a solo companion worked well in Big Finish, but she’s not given much of chance here; she’s stuck in the TARDIS much as she was when there were three companions. Unfortunately, the disappointing and needless return character no one would remember in a time before DVDs sets the template of the series for the next few years. 3/10
Snakedance – Received wisdom seems to be that the sequel is better, but I prefer Kinda. I’m a little disappointed that the Mara is given an origin story here; in Kinda it just seemed to be some universal force for evil, but here it turns out to be the result of a telepathy experiment gone wrong. Also, the ending isn’t nearly as satisfying; what does ‘find the still point’ mean? And I know to be better than to complain about the monsters, but I prefer the Kinda snake to the one here. At least the giant dodgy puppet was actually there, as opposed to the slightly smaller dodgy puppet being superimposed in. Having said that, there’s still a lot that’s very good about this story. The design of the cave with the snake mouth entrance is really cool, and the interior of the caves are great too, with the cave paintings, the dirt on the floor and the roots poking out from the walls. Janet Fielding gives probably her best performance as the possessed Tegan. It’s both scary and clever how in Episode 2 we know Tegan’s been taken over because she’s gone from being terrified to suddenly insisting she’s cured. It’s a much scarier portrayal of possession than the standard walking around in a trance. Christopher Bailey has also done very well in building the world of Manussa; instead of having characters spout exposition, we see the effect the Mara has had on their society by seeing it in their historical/archelological artefacts, their ceremonies, and their entertainment (Punch and Judy with a Snake). 9/10
Mawdryn Undead – I bloody love Turlough. On paper, he should be even less likable than Adric – he begins his run trying to kill the Doctor – but Mark Strickson always puts so much into the role, you can’t help but love the cowardly, selfish, sneaky character. Although it strange to think he and Susan have kind of the same origin story; an alien in an English school. As ever, it is lovely to have Nicholas Courtney back as the Brigadier, and in an era where continuity references tended to get in the way of good storytelling, the Brig’s flashback sequence is one that didn’t feel gratuitous. The classic series didn’t take advantage of the time travel aspect of the show nearly enough, so it’s nice to have a story built on and resolved by two versions of the same character meeting themself. Mawdryn’s pulsing brain at the end of Episode Two is still an impressive effect today. Mawdryn’s motivation is pleasingly unique; he just wants to die. A few minor niggles: Paddy Kingsland’s score it veers from moody and effective to downright bizarre in places (‘Turlough and Ibbotson go for a ride); I don’t understand the thinking behind the birds on the Guardians’ heads – they look terrible and fake, but I can’t see how they would have ever looked good; I’m not sure if what Mawdryn and company are wearing are meant to be robes or their skin – I certainly hope it’s the former. There’s something so sweet about David Collings that any character he plays is immediately sympathetic, which rather gives me emotional whiplash seeing as Mawdryn and his friends’ mutation was the result of selfishness, and they’re willingness to kill the Doctor so they can die is selfish act too. Then again seeing as we’re meant to be happy for him at the end, maybe that was rather the point. This story can be anything from a 6 to an 8 depending on my mood, so I’ll split the difference and give it: 7/10
Terminus – Stephen Gallagher is a fine writer, and Terminus is full of brilliant ideas; a big corporation that controls its employees with drug dependency; victims of a curable disease are stigmatised and left untreated because curing them isn’t considered profitable; an exploding engine of a time travelling ship being responsible for the Big Bang. Sadly, Eric Saward edited out all the realistic dialogue and replaced it with his theatrical, unnnatrual style. Tegan and Turlough serve no function in the story; why have them wondering around the vents (which they seem to return to after escaping) and not have them stay in the TARDIS, the way companions don’t appear in every episode these days? You could even cook up a subplot of Turlough sabotaging the TARDIS and Tegan having to save him when it goes too far for a bit of, dare I say it, character development. The design of Terminus is OK; it has that grimy, minimalist like Alien but, as is the habit in the 80s, it’s been overlit exposing it for what it is: a set. Same with the Vanir armour, which look good until they start moving and the clattering gives away that they’re made of plastic. As far as monster’s go, the sheer size of the Garm hides the fact that he’s a man in a suit, and he’s not too rubbery; but I fear he has mange, and the join between his neck is very obvious. Have you ever seen any less convincing pirates than Kar and Olvir: ‘We’re all going to diiieeee!’ And why oh why, if Nyssa needs to remove an item of clothing, didn’t they start her off in that perfectly nice jacket her new costume came with, instead of resorting to having her spend half the episode in her underwear. Good grief. OK, but it could have been so much better. 6/10
Enlightenment – Hallelujah, doesn’t the TARDIS look beautiful with the lights dimmed. The bright white looked good in B&W, but comes off less impressive in colour. I usually don’t like how jarring the switch between film and video is, but for the sequences out on the deck of the ship, it really works. The texture of film and the way the cast’s faces a lit by their helmets really sells the eerie beauty of space. The eternals are a great creation, especially the crew of the shadow. I like that they aren’t outright evil, but they’re not necessarily trustworthy either. I also like that they’re more powerful than the Doctor, without being something as dull as evil from the dawn of time like Fenric, the Toymaker, and the Great Intelligence. Marriner’s puppy love of Tegan borders on being very sweet and slightly creepy. It breaks my heart when he cries out for her to help him but she can’t/won’t. I love the final revelation about enlightenment not being the diamond, but the choice. Enlightenment isn’t about getting what you want, it’s knowing what you need. It’s slightly confusing that the crew of the Buccaneer aren’t emotionless like the crew of the Shadow, but Lynda Barron is so much fun as the pirate queen that I’ll let it slide. I think my only complaint would be the White Guardian is written as an outright force of good, rather than the more ambiguous character in The Ribos Operation. What a shame Barbara Clegg never wrote for the series again; this is the clear highlight of season twenty. 9/10
The King’s Demons – Shall I tell you the best thing about this episode. It’s the pair of Wolfhounds seen in the opening shot. It’s all downhill from there. It doesn’t help that it looks like something out of Blackadder, thus reminding me how much I’d rather be watching Blackadder. Yes, even the first series. Oh look, the obviously evil man who has been picking fights with everyone, used shimmery magic to change his appearance before our eyes, dresses all in black, calls himself ‘Master’, and tells us to obey him, says that the other guy is a demon who has bewitched the king. Well we better believe and do everything that he says even though we have absolutely no reason to. I think this might be a new low for the Master – not as a character, because he’s actually doing quite well here, but as an antagonist he’s just become a gateway for lazy storytelling. I know it’s not an original observation to make, but if the Kamelion prop didn’t work, why didn’t they just have Kamelion played by a different actor every story. That would have been cool. Although, given that at this point in the show’s history, the production team weren’t interested in developing companions they already had, it’s probably for the best they stuck him in a broom cupboard for a year. Thank goodness for Turlough; his dedication to remaining sarcastic and apathetic at all times is a light in the darkness: “Can you not call on Hell?”/”I could, but then so could you, with a better chance of success, I fancy.” Next time you’re watching, try imagining all the Master and Kamelion’s interactions to be Are You Being Served-style baudy innuendoes. It’s a fun way to entertain yourself; the story sure isn’t going to do that for you. 3/10
The Five Doctors – Lots of hardcore fans seem to really love The Five Doctors, but divorced of nostalgia goggles, it’s a mess. I can understand why – with a cast as big as this, there wasn’t much Terrance Dicks could do, but until we get to the Tomb of Rassilon, there’s not an awful lot going on. Just different groups of characters walking together and occasionally coming across a monster. I don’t know if its simply by virtue of being a different actor, but I don’t really care that Borusa is the villain behind this. If it were the Borusa of The Invasion of Time, I’d be devastated, because there we got to see the Doctor and Borusa’s relationship, so it would have mattered had the latter betrayed the former. How much more effective would it be if the whole time we kept seeing the Doctor go to Borusa for guidance, and Borusa would reassure the Doctor only to betray him at the end. But, with so many characters needing screentime, it’s no wonder that didn’t make happen. I think this may also be the death knell for the Cybermen in the classic series – from here until 2006, they seem to have caught the Master’s disease of posturing about talking about how brilliant they are, only to be defeated in the most ridiculous way. If you’re going to be smug, at least have the evidence to back it up. And because I have the same obsessive brain as all mega-fans, the parade of continuity and logical inconsistencies drive me crazy. Just so I can sleep at night, I like to imagine that there is one final scene, just before the credits come in, of the Doctor waking up in the TARDIS and it turns out the whole thing turned out to be a crazy dream. And really, that would make so much more sense – why the second Doctor knows that Jamie and Zoe had their memories wiped; why the Pi riddle makes no sense; why the first Doctor doesn’t look like the first Doctor; why Zoe is wearing bubble wrap. The one concession to nostalgia I will give this is I like how the original theme music fades into the then current one. Altogether now: “No, not the mind probe.” 4/10
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