Since my return from South America, events have played out differently than I had originally expected.
About a week before I arrived back home – I was in a state of blissful dread. The bliss was because of the freedom I felt in the present moment of the time, traveling, wandering, flowing with what felt more real than anything else I had previously experienced. The dread was from the thought of having all of that come to an end; going back to work, moving in with my mom, finding a sense of comfort in the Rat Race of routine. I didn’t want to leave the place where my heart was.
But I soon realized that I hadn’t left it, because my heart is always with me.
I came back to Sacramento after 24 hours of travel and 2 hours of sleep. I waited in the cool Sacramento chill, which felt like a nip in the bum after being in the warm Colombian summer barely a day before. My grandmother, who had been an hour late because she overlooked the airport exit sign, rolled up slightly flustered in anticipation, and I couldn’t have been happier to see her. She apologized a couple of times and explained her bafflement of how she had made such a mistake, but it didn’t matter to me. The wait, the cold – was all worth it after being able to see Maa for the first time after 2 months.
It seems that the feeling of gratitude has overflowed onto the other aspects of my life. Moving back into my mom’s house after 10 years of living on my own, going back to my job and those dreaded Red Folders (you don’t even want to know), falling back into a daily routine, all of it is turning out better than expected, maybe even better than before in some ways.
It’s like whatever I felt during the past few months has come along with me, the joy, the challenges, the learning to love my solitude, being okay with sharing a space with more than one other person, the boredom, the sense of adventure, the forward flowing movement that took me into the unknown every single day. It is all still here with me.
It was a reminder of how much my internal perspective effects my external reality, both perceived and actually. The joy and fulfillment I was feeling wasn’t just because I was traveling aimlessly through South America, (although that was a big part of it, yes) it was because regardless of where I was or what I was doing, I was okay. Okay with my surroundings, okay with my resources, okay with myself.
If you are dissatisfied, you will always find something to wrong. If you are satisfied, you will always find something right. Both are true, it just depends on your desired view.
Despite my return to the usual way of life, everything feels different.
There is a forward movement, a shifting energetic projection that is taking me somewhere. I don’t know exactly where that somewhere is, but it feels good. It feels right.
I have learned to let go to expectation and just allow what is – to be. Trust in what is yet to come, because It might be better than you can even imagine. ❤
Thank you, traveling. Thank you, loved ones. Thank you, Source.
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