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Mind Whispering: A New Map To Freedom From Self-Defeating Emotional Habits (2013)

by Tara Bennett-Goleman(Favorite Author)

3.37 of 5 Votes: 1

ISBN

0062130897 (ISBN13: 9780062130891)

languge

English

genre

Nonfiction

publisher

HarperOne

review 1: Perhaps b/c I just finished Letting Go and Becoming by Marianne Williamson, this didn't have as great of an impact on me. It was good in spurts, but overall it was unsatisfying. Tara's reflections on her work with horses made sense, but often times her tales of travels and dance circles made me groan. It felt as if she was trying to pack every boho trip she'd taken into her teaching, and it felt out of place. While Williamson can be too religious for some non-believers, she felt more practical and modern to me. Tara's approach felt more new age and seemed less pragmatic, although she doesn't mention a higher power. I think if you're looking for more instruction on how to live in the present, go with Williamson, but if you're spiritual IQ is high and you like zen gurus, thi... mores will do.
review 2: “Don’t put your purpose before your connection.” Bob "RJ" SadowskiThere are people who act in such mildly predator-like ways all too often. They try to get their way, to dominate. In this mode, people are aggressive, self-interested, ready to take over. They can be effective in some ways -- taking bold risks, getting things done -- but at an emotional cost to those they push around.“I want this horse to feel safe while I’m working with her so I try to stay attuned to how she might be feeling... That’s the art of this work: responding to the needs and changes of the moment and staying tuned in to that.” - BobIf we notice the disconnects, which ordinarily occur without our realizing it, we can change course and greatly improve the quality of our communications.MODESAttached (I want): Greedy yearning. Grasping and clingingAversive (I don’t want): Negativity, anger, resentment. Sees faults, makes harsh judgments, rejectsBewildered (I don’t understand): Feelings of confusion, agitation, indecision, indifference.Avoidant (Stay away): Numbness. Withdrawal from people and avoidance of emotions.Predator-like (I’m the boss; I’m special): Extreme confidence, grandiosity. Arrogance, condescension.Prey-life (I must do whatever others want): Helplessness. Passivity and acquiescence to demands.Perfectionist (I must meet highest standards and do my duty): Feelings of guilt and self-judgment. Duty-bound lack of spontaneity.Secure (I am safe, capable, resilient, positive, connected): Feelings of security, repletion, happiness, openness to others. Acts with confidence and flexibility.Mindful pauses can develop into the habit of checking our intentions and distinguishing between our choices as well as aligning our choices with what’s needed in the moment. Sprinkle the day with mindful pauses...Mindfulness acts like a mental immune system, roaming its domain to repel undesirable invaders. ANTIDOTE TO MODESAttached (I want): Apply restraint to impulse, be self-contained and content. Be generous and disenchanted.Aversive (I don’t want): Be patient and accepting and empathize and understand othersBewildered (I don’t understand): Bring clarity, investigative inquiry, a discerning attention to situations.Anxious: Challenge exaggerated fears. Be more self-contained in relationships.Avoidant (Stay away): Feel safe confronting intense emotions, become comfortable with intimacy and closenessPredator-like (I’m the boss; I’m special): Empathize and consider other people’s needs and wants rather than imposing an agenda; be open to honest feedback; take responsibility rather than blame others.Prey-life (I must do whatever others want): Be assertive in expressing your needs and rights strongly and clearly. Connect with your own preference.Perfectionist: Relax and be more accepting of yourself and others. Be more spontaneous. Balance productivity with taking care of yourself.If we find partners who are sensitive, responsive and caring, having repeated secure-base experiences with them can be reparative, making us more able to be there for other people in our lives.We can also look inward. Build the foundation of a secure mode on our own and become that source of nurturance for ourselves.“I wish I could show, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own Being.” - Hafiz less

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