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Die Psychologie Sexueller Leidenschaft (1997)

by David Schnarch(Favorite Author)

4.12 of 5 Votes: 1

ISBN

3492251374 (ISBN13: 9783492251372)

languge

English

genre

Romance

publisher

Piper

review 1: Two things I did not like: 1)The part that degenerates into self-help. (I loathe self-help books because they tell me what to do.) 2) The title. A boring but more apt title might be "Understanding Identity, Sexuality & Intimacy". That said, I can't recall ever reading a book the way I read this one. I cried, I reread, I underlined and starred, I put it down for a few minutes every now and then so I could think. Because I have spent the past five or so years struggling intensely with identity and intimacy, I can attest to some of the truths presented. Others I hope to be able to test in the future. I would say that I wish I had read this book as a young adult, but I really don't think I would have gotten much out of it. All the same, I'm determined to find ways to share its... more wisdom with my children. For instance, I was raised in a church that taught, "If you save sex for marriage it will be a beautiful, sacred experience that will draw you closer to your spouse." Really, it was that simple. But of course it wasn't. Passionate Marriage helped me understand exactly how this can happen. I would really like to discuss this book with someone I know, so please read it. Soon.
review 2: This is a book I needed to read when I was a teenager. My review of five stars is not based on how well the author writes or communicates, but rather how important I think this information is. We grow up with a distorted sense of what love and intimacy are all about. That is to say we think it is all about us and our needs. We seek to fulfill ourselves through our relationships and get our needs met and our very selves validated by other people. The Passionate Marriage approach (although I think it applies across all relationships and not just marriage) is that we must first validate and develop ourselves and only then can we truly experience the intimacy that we desire. Any intimacy that is based on fear and neediness can never truly fulfill you. Intimacy based on self-fulfillment and personal strength means that you are choosing your partner for who they are and NOT who you need them to be for you. I've read other books that contain these same ideas (Harriet Lerner's "Dance of" books for example) but for some reason Passionate Marriage was the one that really connected with me at a visceral level. less

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Reviews (see all)

Shiv

Disregard the title, it's a very good book for anyone in long-term relationship. (It even mentions same-sex couples in the intro, which is pretty good for a book from 1997.)A very useful book, I learnt a lot from it about differentiation, self-validation and how to grow and mature emotionally in a relationship. It's mainly written for monogamous people, but even though I'm polyamorous, I still found it very helpful.The only off-putting chapter was the one about how to use one's sexual aggression in a constructive way in a relationship. It's just something I - as a sexual abuse survivor - absolutely can't relate to or agree with.

mddc26

You have to wade through a lot of overwritten and unnecessary passages to glean the useful ideas and concepts in this book. But the invitation for couples to move away from emotional fusion toward differentiation and self-validation seems brilliant and useful. I'm glad I kept reading till the end, but I doubt my wife will persevere that far. Even if she bails, we will still have plenty to discuss and maybe try!

Ellie2468

Excellent.

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