This contest is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Twenty minutes! Christ.
They’re really going all in for this masked man nobody knows who he is bullshit. Not only do they not know where he’s from, they don’t even know how much he weighs. Because apparently it’s impossible to put someone who wants to remain anonymous on a scale.
all that mask and you can’t hide that look of irredeemable sadness
The crowd are way into Tito Santana, as well they should be, because his hair is glorious.
The match opens with some glorious criss-crossing running of the ropes, which is always magnificent and is totally a lost art in wrestling, before Tito lands the first big hit with a back body drop and a dropkick that sends the Executioner out of the ring. Then Tito works a side headlock into a pinfall and the crowd go wild, which is not something you can imagine happening in today’s WWE.
The Executioner escapes the headlock with a sneaky but still fairly weak punch to Tito’s inner thigh, and Tito takes huge exception to this and full on twats the Executioner in the face. It’s a hilariously disproportionate response.
Soon enough though the balance swings the Executioner’s way, and he puts in some basic offense with some kicks to the gut and a headbutt, and then goes after the leg again, which again makes Tito Santana so angry he looks like he is going to full on murder the man. Executioner backs himself into a corner and basically begs for his life, but Tito doesn’t care and starts full on smashing him in the face again.
Executioner manages to get about seven or maybe even eight seconds of offense in, and it’s exciting times, and in the excitement, he goes for a big money move off the top rope.
It doesn’t end well for him.
But then luckily for him, Tito goes for the most telegraphed big splash in the world, and he raises his knees and gets a moment’s respite from the full on battering he’s been taking. He smartly goes after the knee again, and manages to get one good hit in. One. Only one. And then this happens.
Fuck you, Executioner.
And then suddenly, out of nowhere, Tito just decides to put the figure four on him, and then he does, and Executioner submits, and the match is over. Tito Santana, who has been acting like a heel all match, keeps the figure four on well after the bell is rung, but the crowd don’t care, because they full on love him.
And that’s it! It’s done. Howard Finkel announces the win and Tito throws his arms up in the air, but no music plays. Why is no music playing? When did they introduce theme music for the wrestlers? Because being honest, this shit isn’t gonna fly.
Match rating: 2 stars. I mean, I guess, if you’re a Tito Santana fan, there was something to like here. But by not letting the dude get any offense in, and then the finish just coming out of nowhere like Tito suddenly decided, hey, I’ve done enough wrestling now, I should probably just skip to the end, well, the whole thing just kind of fell flat, like a cow shit dropping out of a two storey window. But a two star cow shit, at least.
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