To My Former Friend & Lover, S,
Writing this is probably one of the hardest things I’ve done. But, it is time to turn the page. I can’t continue to live in a Catch 22 – damned if I do or damned if I don’t. It’s too painful – the hot & cold. The “we are, but, we aren’t“. At this part of our journey, we need to travel separate paths. As we part, there are a few things I wish to say.
I am not turning my back on you. I will always love you – even when I’m extremely upset with you. Knowing each other’s darkest secrets and skeletons was a double edged sword. It built a bond between us. Yet, in the same breath it destroyed us.
Time and again, I was there for you. There for your drinking binges and parade of girls. It was a habitual pattern. While I want nothing more than for you to be truly happy, we both know that the more you deny your demons, the more self-destructive you become. I cannot watch the person I love self-destruct. Each binge broke me – just a little bit more. What completely fractured me was the fact you chose to go back to a girl who, by your own account, is a manipulator.
You chose to turn your back on us the moment you chose to go back to her. You chose to betray the one who genuinely loves you. You chose to hurt the person who would have given you the world. The person you could have found true happiness with.
I often wondered how I was not enough. I have driven myself crazy trying to figure out why. But, enough is enough. I have to accept this hot & cold between us as toxic. Toxicity is unhealthy. Unhealthy makes me unhappy. To be happy, I need to release myself from unhealthy.
I love you to the moon and back. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to help you. For now, I am choosing my own path. There is still so much left to accomplish. I wish you happiness on whatever path you choose to venture.
Love Always,
~M
