So its day three of this depressive phase. It could be worse I realize and I am thankful its on the mild side. Still would rather I wasn’t dealing with it at all. I know at the core it is somewhat related to today being Christmas and now that its over perhaps it will dissipate. Common misconception, medication does not stop depression, but rather helps with it. You still have bad days, like “normal” people, only in the case of depression the reason isn’t always clear. Yay! depression.
Here’s how it affected me today. Christmas, one of the few days of the year where it is socially acceptable to binge eat without judgement and that I did. I know the worse thing I can do when I feel like this is binge, but damn it! I still do. Like no lie, huge waffle, red vines, 3 slices of cherry pie, way too much cool whip, pasta, tamales, sweet potato, okra, corn, and chocolate. Feeling pretty shitty as a result. Weighed myself at least 6 times today. I also spent far too much time sleeping. Just been feeling overall discontent and uneasy all day.
Anyways I’m about to get a tad bitchy or petty or whatever you want to call it. Some people recently have gotten under my skin, so here is me saying how I feel “nicely”. Honestly I am censoring it more because I am a bigger person, than caring if they see this. Still being the bigger person would mean I don’t say anything at all, but I need to say something to let it go.
- If you have a girlfriend, but say you miss dating and still say things people in monogamous relationship shouldn’t perhaps you need to reevaluate things.
- If your relationship is already struggling and fractured, being poly will not solve anything. You have things you should be focusing on instead.
- If you want to call me immature, maybe you should look at the way you act.
- If you claim someone is the one that got away, yet lie or omit things in your current life, that makes me think you need to learn how to be honest.
- If you want me to accept feedback, perhaps you should learn to take it.
- If you are interested in dating someone make the effort to let them know you are interested. Mixed signals don’t help your case.
- If you don’t know me well don’t call me things like, baby, hunny etc. Its not cool.
- I hate being called cute.
Okay, I think that covers most of the things I’ve had on my mind. Just typing those things made me angry. Maybe that’s a good thing, but I come from the school of thought that if something makes you angry, it means it has power over you. The only way something doesn’t have power over you is when you are indifferent to it.
Other than being “blue” on this Christmas, I am thankful I have a good family and the means to have a nice and comfortable holiday. As well as a small tribe of amazing friends and a loving fur baby. I know I am more fortunate than some on this day.
I leave you with this photo taken today. As touched on in a prior post (Photographic Lies), photos don’t tell us the true story. If you were to look at this photo alone, without reading the above you would have made a lot of assumptions that I doubt were anywhere near accurate. This is the face of depression and of a depression warrior.
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