Boys Go to Jupiter to Get More Stupider

It’s a struggle man. Probably the biggest struggle of trying to adult.  Trying to decide if you want to adult alone and be a strong independent woman, or marry a tall dark and handsome man(probably just an average guy with a good job). I am all for being a strong independent woman who don’t need no man, but let’s be honest, I love cuddles. An independent woman can’t keep herself warm at night.

Oh true love…man was I oblivious. You go through elementary and middle school having crushes on every little boy in your class, and then you hit high school. You obviously have the world figured out and you know exactly what you want and who you are. WRONG. It’s fine, you’ll figure all this out eventually.

You met this guy, who had family issues, and this is when you learned that you were a fixer. Every guy you date from here on out will have something that you think you can fix. It’s a problem.

Of course this guy dressed in fox brand clothing, drives a crotch rocket, and thinks he’s the coolest thing since sliced bread. You give into those dreamy eyes and believe every word he says. He tells you that he loves you and gives you a “promise ring.” (a promise ring, really?! you’re like 12)

Eventually he convinces you that sex is best. Sex is not best. Sex is not okay until you’re 100% ready. But I’m not going to listen to logic and adults, I am going to believe my wanna be badass boyfriend.

Then you realize that you deserve better and you’re going to go to college and meet awesome people and do awesome things. You break his heart and he follows you around for the next couple of years hoping to get back together. From that point on you automatically think that every guy is going to chase after you and believe that you hung the stars. WRONG AGAIN. One day maybe you will figure it out.

After high school and after dumping my “one true love” #eyeroll, every guy I dated/hung out with/texted occasionally was a mistake. But you always have the couple that stands out in your mind that leads you to where you are now.

Unfortunately every decision, every boy was a bad one. The main villain here was a lovely fellow that everyone from you best friend to you blind dog told you was going to be a bad idea, but did you listen? NO! Because again, you have it all figured out.

As you can assume, I thought it was going to go great, and it ended horribly. We lasted a few months, and that last week was a nightmare. I was sick and at my parents place while they were on vacation. He came over to keep me company and ended up raiding our home for whatever he could pawn. The next couple of weeks were a blur. I was in and out of the police station giving statements, and every couple of days we receive a package where he mailed back our belongings. In the end he was a coward, who couldn’t take credit and face what he had done. If there was ever a time that you believe your brother and dad would murder someone, it was now.

He’s now a barber in my hometown, married, with a kid on the way. Did I mention he already had a kid? Well he does, and apparently that wasn’t enough of a turn off at 18.

After that relationship I moved off to college and vowed to make better decision. Then came strain of random hookups, black out nights, and a lovely thing called Tinder.

Then came a fella, who I’m actually still friends with, and isn’t that horrible of a person, but I just met him at the wrong time.

I met him on halloween, drunk off my ass. #typical

What started as a one night stand became my go to drunk text that would lead to staying at his house every night. We even had a couple of sober real life dates. It could have been great, but we couldn’t get to the point where we could say our true feelings sober. In the end another girl swooped in and told him everything he wanted to hear, and I found my current knight in shining armor.

Bae is pretty awesome. The rents love him. My furbabies love him. Could it get any better? Second verse same as the first: Met him drunk, at bar. But this time he didn’t let me just check out when I was sober. He was persistent. He knew what he wanted and he was going to have it. Now we are chilling on my couch catching up on Gotham and having 007 marathons. He makes me realize that every other guy was a mistake that was just leading me here. Maybe this one will pan out #herestohoping

Stayed tuned to see how this one goes

A. Don’t let anyone pressure you into sex. It is your decision, and you should do it when you’re 100% ready

B. If your family/friends think he is a bad idea. HE’S A BAD IDEAC. If you can’t bring yourself to talk to a guy sober, it’s probably not going to work out. You can’t make a relationship work if it requires alcohol to be successful

D. It really does happen when you’re not looking for it.

E.(Most Important Tip) You can always be a strong independent woman, even if you want to adult with someone by your side.

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