In a 24 hour day Eight minutes is insignificant.
Blink and it can pass.
You will often go through a day and wonder where that time went.
Yet on Wednesday 8th November between the hours of 16.46- 16.54 in those Eight minutes for me time stood still.
Those Eight minutes were the longest of my life.
It’s every parents worst fear..loosing a child and I don’t mean as in death, although god forbid that cannot get any worse.
I mean when they are out of your sight.
They disappear.
On Wednesday as me and the girls left trampolining class (theirs not mine)
Ella, in a building she knows relatively well was ahead of us.
Just slightly.
While we entered the foyer area I spoke with the other two girls.
Ella, just two arm stretches in front ran ahead.
Not unusual for her.
She usually causes havoc wherever we go.
Tries her best just to annoy me. Knowing I’ll call her name to state she’s gone the wrong way.
The exit doors were straight ahead and she knew this. But she always ignores and always turns left. I then usually chase her, grab her hand and bring her back to the way we were suppose to be going and she would say “sorry, I didn’t mean too”
All the while totally meaning to.
It was routine.
On this day I watched as she turned left.
The turning takes you down a long corridor which then leads to the canteen.
There are other rooms behind that but no panic was needed because by the time we were due to arrive at the spot she turned (just two arm stretches behind her) she should have still been running down the long corridor.
A few seconds later I arrived at the turning and saw an empty stretch ahead of me.
No Ella.
My heart sank.
“Where has she gone?” I said.
Running down the corridor this didn’t make sense. Even that Bolt guy would have had trouble getting the the canteen area before we turned.
Panic in my voice I called her name.
She’s obviously in the canteen.
Although I’m panicking I’m thinking I’m going to kill her when I catch her for causing me panic.
I arrived at the canteen area which was deserted bar one lady reading a book.
“Excuse me have you seen a little girl go pass?”
“No” she barely looked up.
Now I’m panicking.
I’m looking around quickly. Trying to scan her in my vision.
Nothing.
With the other girls behind me I run through to the back rooms.
A bar area with one man behind the bar.
“Have you seen a little girl go through here?”
He shook his head.
My heart is now thumping.
I look back down the corridor to make sure she’s not hiding.
Empty.
“Oh my god where is she?” I say desperately.
I keep running to the back of the building and then let out a scream as I notice the doors at the back open.
Three doors in fact.
They led out to the sports field and the sports fields are adjacent to the car park.
“Oh my god! Oh my god! Where is she?”
I shout out to the fields and call her name.
My hearts pounding and my heads beginning to feel mushy.
It’s also now getting dark.
The clock change just a week before have now plunged this time of day into darkness and I’m feeling sick.
I shout her name into the fields “Ella! Ella where are you?”
Nothing.
She can’t be down here it’s to far.
She would never have got this far without us spotting her or hearing her giggle while she ran.
I run back through the way we came.
My heart is pounding in my chest and I can hear it vibrating in my ears.
My mouths dry and I’m starting not to think properly.
Again I’m saying that no way could have made it out the back without us reaching her. It wasn’t physically possible. But I’m saying it to myself.
Convincing myself.
Running back I’m shouting her name religiously. I’m starting to loose awareness. Everything’s becoming distorted as my mind is on one thing.
I’m not even checking the other two girls behind me yet I know they are there. I can hear them calling her name too.
I can see people looking.
It’s obvious I’m looking for a child but many people just walk past me.
Although I see it, register it I’m in a strange world and this moment in time that doesn’t seem real.
I find a member of staff or he finds me.
I don’t know.
I tell him she’s missing.
He’s asking questions I have no memory what of but he’s speaking over a walkie talkie.
I’m constantly looking around.
I don’t know where to go.
To scared to leave the area she was last in in case I get it wrong.
What if Ive missed her? Passed her?
I don’t want to get this wrong.
A sliding doors moment that changes your life forever.
She was here.
He’s asking me questions but I’m not making any sense.
I hear my nine year old. My beautiful nine year old telling this man that her sister was wearing a bright coloured Elephant top.
I hear it but I can’t answer.
My eyes are darting everywhere.
Everything’s muffled.
I can’t speak now other then shouting her name.
I’m running again.
Back down the corridor.
I pull on the doors.
The heavy doors she would never be able to pull open without real effort and I shout her name.
Angry now.
Desperate.
I pull the door wide open and scream
“ELLA…WHERE ARE YOU?”
People playing badminton, tennis, squash whatever it was stop to turn and stare.
I’m on the edge now.
I’m about to break.
I can feel it.
My fingertips are numbing my mouth is tingling.
The desperation is pulsating through me.
A new bit of energy seeps through my pores and I’m shouting.
“ELLA! ELLA!”
Over and over.
As I run the new energy leaves and I’m struggling again.
I can feel myself on the verge of crying.
Yet I’m stopping myself.
Somehow.
That would be admitting defeat and she has to be somewhere.
I see members of staff and I overhear something.
Two members of staff talking and I shout…”you’ve found her?”
A second of elation but I misheard.
Someone was asking “have you found her?”
I’m back outside.
Distraught from the mixup I just ran.
Standing still isn’t looking for her yet I know I’m doing nothing.
Just running aimlessly.
Facing the fields.
I scream her name.
Yet I know she won’t answer.
I turn around.
Face the doors and mumble that Ive lost her.
She’s gone!
I can’t now picture her face.
My minds erasing her.
Nothing’s real.
I can hardly breathe and it’s taking energy just to walk.
She’s gone.
Completely vanished.
It makes no sense.
I walk back about to face the corridor and far ahead in the distance she’s there.
Holding a ladies hand.
She’s skipping.
She looks up and smiles at the lady and I wonder for a second if she’s real.
My visions blurred from tears and I hoped to god this wasn’t my mind playing tricks.
But it was her.
The scream that left me was primal.
Almost inhuman.
I then ran.
I see the man with the walkie talkie approach me and ask if this is her. I run passed and shout Yes!
Yes that’s her.
Myself and her sisters are now running along the corridor again back to our original spot.
Before I reach her Gracie’s at her side.
She whacks her across the chest.
“Don’t you ever ever run away from us again”
The fear in her voice said it all.
At nine years olds she too thought she had lost her baby sister.
I pick her up.
Cuddle her so tight and fall against a wall.
The tears fall.
Hard.
I can barely keep us both upright and I keep looking at her face. Stroking her head.
I ask where they found her.
Back round by the trampoline.
She was running around laughing.
Completely oblivious to the distress we had just endured.
A member of staff asked my name for an incident form.
I happen to glance at the clock in front of me.
16.54
Eight minutes since we left the class.
I give my name and we go to leave.
It still doesn’t feel real.
Did that just happen?
Gracie notices on the edge of the foyer at the turning of the corridor a leaflet stand.
“Mum, do you think she hid behind that then when we passed ran the other way?”
It was the only explanation we could think of.
I’m shaking as we walk to the car.
Exhausted.
I thought I had lost her.
Over and over in my head I kept having flash backs of mums not so lucky.
Who’s children are out of sight for a few seconds and their lives turned upside down forever.
Eight minutes.
Eight minutes in a day can be insignificant.
In Eight minutes for me I lost and found my daughter.
