Finding A Man And Keeping One

Last night on my snapchat I ranted a big about finding a man and keeping him and I got a few people telling me to create a blog about this subject, so here it is. 

So often I hear women from around my area talking so much about how they wish they had a man and wish they were in a relationship but most times these are the same women who have NOTHING to offer. No job, no aspirations, no income, no goals, no nothing. And to top it off they don’t just want any old man, they want someone who is really good looking, has a good job, doesn’t have kids (although she on the other hands has 2 by different men) Like girl, you need to be a little more realistic! You not finding that man because that kind of man doesn’t want you!

It can sometimes be tricky knowing if this guy in fact is the one for you. But I noticed sometimes we put too much pressure on things. We think too hard about it and wonder, he is great but he is lacking this, or what would my friends or mom think about him, etc. First of all girl it’s all up to you. Your thoughts are what matter the most! How is your connection when you’re together? Does he support you? Is he respectful? Can you guys talk for hours and not bring up anything sexual? Do you laugh at each others corny jokes? Basically it’s all about the vibe. Soulmates come to you extremely rare! Don’t let yours pass right by you.

As humans we meet people and tend to judge them off the small things we know. Remember though, we aren’t perfect… even you girl! So when meeting him there will be good things as well as some downfalls but if the bad things or anything he’s lacking is totally workable, don’t sweat it! We can change that! Relationships are about growing anyways..

Example on anything you might see as a downfall: Great job but no car.. (he can buy one sis, it’s not the end of the world)

Now on another hand if he has 3 kids and 3 crazy baby mommas then we going to have to skip by him girl there are more men out there lol

Random: Isn’t it funny how back then almost nobody had cars but now if you don’t have one some women won’t even look your way. Sad

This is always much better than rushing into things because when a man knows there’s a strong possibility of having sex with you very soon into meeting, he sees you in a different light. Believe it or not. Yea, he might be a sweetheart and extremely respectful and everything you want but it’s always like that in the beginning! Guys do everything perfect in the begining, shit they trying to get laid (sorry but it’s true, I grew up around men so I know how they think) By eliminating those thoughts in the beginning it gives him a chance to really get to know you as a person.

Also men appreciate a challenge. If it’s easy then it’s boring. If it’s a challenge they realize it’s something they really want and appreciate it much more when they get you.

Being friends first creates more fun for the relationship. With fun you never get bored or tired of eachother. That is extremely important because this is a person you are going to be with like everyday and most certainly speaking to everyday. Gotta keep it fun!

After a while of being together the aggravation starts kicking in… Little things that he does or doesn’t do might annoy you and you see yourself getting frustrated every now and then (especially when you are on your period). Be mindful to have 100% communication with your man. Let him know, “baby I am getting my period so If you notice I am acting a little bitchy just work with me”. Because in all fairness he is not psychic. He doesn’t know or understand what it is like being a woman and the things we go through. So just be fair and keep him in the know.

Remind him why you love him, what you appreciate about him. By you being this way he will appreciate you much more because men have feelings! They go through shit too and it’s nice to know that you have a woman who truly loves you by your side. You also don’t know the unexpected attention he might get from other woman. So by you being lovable and caring he will remember that women don’t mean shit, as long as he has you.

TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING. Most relationships go left because the communication is off. And then anger or frustration comes in and takes up so much space in the relationship. Not to sound petty but literally tell eachother everything that hurts your feelings. If they acted a certain way around their buddies that made you uncomfortable, bring it up when it’s just you and him. Not in a arguing way either! Nicely just ask him if you can talk to him about how it made you feel and why. We sometimes say or do things that offend others without even meaning it or noticing! By speaking on this we can clear the air and everyone feels better! No hard feelings.

I know it gets hard to look sexy often when you’re always working, school, gym, being a mom, or whatever you life is like. But you have to play your part also. Whenever possible, get your hair done, do your makeup (if you’re into that) dress nicely and look good for your man. Don’t get caught up in your house look all day and he only sees you with a big T shirt on and your scarf on your head. Keep it spicy for him and remind him why he fell for you and why he wants to spend forever with you.

I feel that nowadays people don’t know the value of relationships or true commitment. You see so many people break up and get divorced so easily. You rarely see strong relationships anymore. Not me, I am not getting into a commitment to leave soon as we fight a little. Unless the obvious, he puts his hands on you (that is NEVER ok), or he disrespects you, things like that. Realize that you are going to have arguments you are going to disagree! When this happens talk it out, if it’s too serious give each other some space around the house, and if it’s really serious maybe stay at your girlfriends for the weekend to re evaluate and then speak about the problem when you are both open to. Come to a conclusion as to how the problem will be fixed, something that you BOTH agree on.

Remember this is your man, don’t you want to try everything you can to make this work?

Imagine him getting laid off his job and financials get a little tough, do you just up and leave him because he can no longer buy you nice things or take you on trips he can only afford to pay the bills for now? Of course not! Listen, at any given moment God can take everything you have away from you. And you can be left with nothing. Would you want someone to turn their back on you because of that? Exactly so don’t do it to anyone else. Tough it out, encourage him, motivate him, remind him that you are here for him no matter what and we will make it past this. Same goes if he loses an important person in his life. You need to be there for him and be his shoulder to lean on!!

I might not be Oprah or anything like that but I will say the relationships I have been in, my exs will tell you that I was the best girlfriend to them. I left my relationships for my own reasons! Till this day they don’t have hard feelings on me because they know that I was real and I was there. So if you honestly want a man this is something you should know.

When I first met Matt although he was very funny and I enjoyed the often talks we had, I thought to myself I could never be with a person like him.. I even told him that! Totally hurt his feelings but I was being honest.. Reason being was because he smoked weed like every hour, he was heavily in the streets, had no job, and had no car. It was just too much. I am a mom FIRST and my main priority will alway be to make sure Lo is around the right kind of influences and he was not that.

But to prove he could change and be a family man, he got a job actually since then got two jobs, quit smoking, barely ever hanging around in the streets if it’s not seeing his friends or business related, got two different cars, and is such a family man these days.

I said that to say this, men can absolutely change! Don’t you doubt them but they have to want to change and make effort for it also. It’s a two way street because you also have to be a bit patient. But I will say it was the best thing I have ever done to wait and watch his progression.

Done preaching lol. Good luck! And remember soulmates are rare!

#SelyChronicles

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