Captain Jack is back, and he’s facing a whole lot of danger in Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge this weekend. It’s been six years since the last Pirates film, can you believe that? There are many who would love for this franchise to simply die, but I’ll be honest, I can’t get enough of them. I’ve had a very deep love for this franchise for a very long time, and now it’s time to rank the first four films from worst to best, to celebrate the release of this exciting fifth installment.
Warning: Spoilers for all four films.
4. On Stranger Tides (2011)
Hey, remember when I said I had a deep love for this franchise? Well let’s just throw those words out for a second to talk about the franchises’ fourth installment, that saw Jack take on the villanous Blackbeard in an effort to reach the Fountain of Youth. It’s not unpopular to say On Stranger Tides is the worst Pirates film; It received less than favourable reviews from critics and fans alike, and it’s not hard to see why. Admittedly, it does have some very fun action sequences, plus the mermaid scene is fantastic, but beyond that, it’s not particularly funny, nor is it endearing or exciting or fun. It makes a mockery of Barbossa, and places a lot of importance on the unbelievably boring Angelica, performed by Penelope Cruz in one of her most underwhelming roles. To be fair, there’s not much she can do with it; it takes the approach of introducing Jack’s past, and Angelica is a large part of that, but it just turns into an exposition machine who happens to be good with a sword. But this film’s biggest issue is the total lack of Will and Elizabeth.
I’ll explain with the other films as to why they are so important to this franchise, but their presence is sorely needed, and even worse, they’re not even mentioned. It’s appalling to leave that out, and so important to Jack’s character. But here’s what I will say for On Stranger Tides…There’s a line towards the end that perfectly sums up Jack. Dropping off Angelica on a deserted island with one pistol and one shot, she tries to ease her way back onto his boat by saying “Jack…I love you”, and he pulls her in close and says “...So do I. Always have, always will”. Throughout the entire film, Jack just feels a little off. With as complex a relationship as he does in the first three, he feels a little wasted, a little different. But in this one line, he sums up that selfishness we somehow love, and emphasises the point that he’ll forever be the hero in his mind. On Stranger Tides is entirely watchable and by no means terrible, but it truly brings nothing to the franchise.
3. Dead Man’s Chest (2006)
Okay, let’s bring that deep love back into the fold with the first sequel, which saw our heroes on the hunt for the beating heart of Davy Jones. This is the weakest of the original trilogy by a very thing margin; when watched quite closely to the first film, it feels a lot sillier. That might be a weird thing to complain about with this franchise, but it just seems harder to take seriously. Having said that, this film goes to some extremely brilliant places. The opening, with Will and Elizabeth’s wedding ruined by Lord Beckett and his warrants for their arrest, followed by an eccentric and hilarious segment on the cannibalistic island that Jack becomes ruler of. This is where the ever so important relationship between Jack, Will and Elizabeth truly starts to develop; the couple are forced to bring that man back into their lives, and it’s important to remember that at no point in this franchise are they ever friends with him. They may share the screen, and ab begrudging respect for each other, but there’s definitely no love there, and it’s done wonderfully in this film, but it’s done even better in At World’s End so we’ll explore it further there.
Then of course there’s Davy Jones and his buried heart, WIll Turner’s devotion to his father, Tia Dalma and her magical ways, and James Norrington’s fall from grace. There’s a great deal of world building started in this film that leads to so many amazing things, most of all what is perhaps the best ending in the franchise as the Kraken takes down the Black Pearl, and like any good Captain, Jack goes down with his ship (Though unwillingly). Now look, we’re all experienced enough with films to know that Jack Sparrow is not gonna die, but it’s still a pretty ballsy move to send the lead charging into the belly of a giant squid with a serious hint of uncertainty. The entire attack is breathtaking, but that one moment has always given me serious chills. It cuts this story in half at just the right moment; they could’ve easily shoe horned this tale into one film, and while you can argue it was only split up to make more money, I’d like to think it was a genius creative decision that completely worked out for the better. There’s so much to be fleshed out in this one film before you can enter the next one, and speaking of which…
2. At World’s End (2007)
Dead Man’s Chest is a lot of build up, and At World’s End is a lot of pay off. You might think I’m crazy for slotting this into second place; it is truly hated by a lot of people, mostly for it’s excessive run time and convoluted plot, but truthfully, I don’t think it’s convoluted at all. It brings a lot more into the fold, adding more layers to Davy Jones’ by revealing his past relationship with Calypso and placing him in the palm of Beckett, who serves as a wonderful villain, and we finally get to visit Singapore, where a weird and wonderful world of piracy awaits. The opening scene with the pirates being hung is cold and unforgettable, followed by Barbossa’s rescue mission to Singapore straight after. It’s a long and exciting sequence that kicks off the film wonderfully. Bringing Barbossa back from the dead, and the way it was done, was a great idea; it could’ve come off very cheap, but his return at the end of DMC was a genuinely shocking twist, and he serves true purpose in At World’s End. The lore of the Pirates universe becomes a lot more interesting when we’re introduced to the Pirate Lords, and their nomination of the Pirate King, and Shipwreck Cove is yet another fascinating place in the universe. Jack’s time in Davy Jones’ Locker is played for laughs, but the scene where he meets his old crew again is great, and what’s even greater is the clear impact Jack had on all these characters…Even Will, even Elizabeth.
I know I keep hammering on about them, but I’m just completely in love with the way these characters are written; they use, trick and manipulate each other. Whatever respect there might be, they’re always doing it for themselves, and this film perfectly showcases the pirates side of Will and Elizabeth. There’s no more pretending they’re better than Jack, no more saving face, they just go for it. They were three people on all set on their own paths, all thrown together out of the blue and forced to be a part of each other’s lives, for better and worse. I’m not here to say “oh these films are misunderstood!!!!! you just weren’t smart enough to understand it!!!!” but I do honestly think that these films work on a much deeper level than they’re given credit for. And of course, it all comes to an overwhelming end in a heaving maelstrom that sees The Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman duke it out. Will’s death (sort of) was a sucker punch of a moment, but entirely necessary, and the final component to Jack and Will’s relationship, as Sparrow gives up his chance at eternal life to save Will. This is why it’s so frustrating that Jack never mentions them in On Stranger Tides; they played such a huge role in exposing his humanity, and I refuse to believe that Jack, despite the way he presents himself, would ever just shrug that off. The battle is incredible, followed by the amazing scene where the ships team up and take down Beckett’s. “It’s just good business” is one of the best lines uttered in the series, and Tom Hollander’s defeated expression as he walks through the wreckage of his ship is truly magnificent. Whatever people may say about it, I’ll always consider this a masterpiece.
1. The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
And to the surprise of absolutely no one, the best film in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is of course the first one. It’s just a perfect adventure film; it’s exciting, hilarious, intriguing, the characters are well introduced, the visuals are astonishing, the villain scary, the hero charming, the adventure worth taking. It was great for it’s time, and absolutely holds up. It’s even better when you consider it’s based off a fucking theme park ride. It’s one of the best first films in a franchise ever, and whilst it may seem like there’s much less to say about it in comparison to it’s successors, don’t underestimate how brilliant this film is. It’s by far the most rewatchable of the franchise, and doesn’t explore great depths like it’s sequels because it didn’t have to. It turned out to be an amazing idea, but this film stuck to the basics and pulled them off marvellously, paving the way for such great ideas. Depp’s Oscar nominated performance is still one of his best, and Geoffrey Rush is fantastic as Barbossa. It gets the most love out of all the films, and rightly so.
I know how unpopular a lot of these views are, but what can I say? As far as I’m concerned, it’s a near perfect trilogy…And then a fourth one that’s kind of meh. Bad talk aside, the prospect of seeing another one this weekend is so unbelievably exciting.
What’s your favourite Pirates of the Caribbean film? Let us know in the comments!
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