I have been asked to speak at a Women’s luncheon this Saturday at my church. I have been asked to speak on faith. I have been sort of blank and was not sure how I should go about talking about faith.
I began to think about the last 10 months. At the beginning of January, I was not in a great place. I was lost, I guess you can say. I took a leap of faith on January 1st, and decided to make my life an open book. I thought that if I could speak my mind about how I felt to the world, then maybe I could heal my broken spirit. I was to the point that I did not care what people thought about what I wrote, because it really didn’t matter. Let’s be honest, I am not the only one who has ever gone through what I am going through now. I have been a Christian my whole life and have been a faithful servant for the Lord. But, just because we are Christians, does not mean we don’t have struggles in life. I have had my fair share, let me tell ya. We are human and we go through things, just like everyone else in the world. We are not exempt from life’s problems.
I was angry, distant, frustrated, and just disappointed with life. I think we all have a vision of how are life should have turned out and when it is not “picture perfect”, we start to panic. I know with me, the situations around me, made me feel that I have failed in life. The first 40 years of my life have not been as enjoyable as they could have been. I think I went through the motions and didn’t treasure every moment. Each moment we have is a gift from God. We are blessed to take the next breath. We don’t appreciate the great opportunity that is bestowed upon us, to take each step on God’s green earth, but we don’t see it that way. We all take so much for granted in life.
I don’t regret getting married, or having children. I do regret how I reacted to situations in my life during all those years. I believe I could have been a better wife, and a better mother. I can’t change the past but I have faith I can change the future.
The life I was living was not at all enjoyable. But, I think it was all me. I viewed the world as if it was some monster out to get me, instead of a beautiful creature wanting to embrace me with tender loving arms. It is all about perception, and a whole lot of a faith. We have to believe that we are on this earth for a purpose and we should not waste our life on petty things. I guess that is why I decided to try my best to not worry over the little things. That is the hardest thing for me. It is hard for me to ignore socks on the floor, dishes in the sink, and laundry as tall as Mt. St. Helen’s. It stressed me out. I was angry at the littlest things.
I decided to begin to look at those annoyances as blessings. If there are socks on the floor then it means my kids are still home. If there are shoes thrown all over the floor, I know that my family is here to stay for a while. Dishes in the sink means I have food to eat and my family is there to enjoy it. I have laundry piled high as the ceiling, because we have clothes to wear and money to purchase those clothes. My house may be cluttered at times, but I have a house over my head for it to BE cluttered. I have tried to perceive those things through different eyes. Of course I have moments where I lose it, but don’t we all. I am not perfect, and I am not sure I even want to be perfect.
Faith has been a part of my life. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” This says it all. We have faith in what we cannot see and we know deep in our heart, that it is there. I know deep down inside my being that I will be okay. I know that even though I may not be perfect, I have a purpose in life; I am here for a reason.
I feel I am a pretty open person, and I like to talk about how I feel. I realize not everyone is like that but, it has always been my desire to have someone hear what I have to say and truly care about what I care about. I know that sounds silly. I think I have watched way too many fairy tales. I have learned that life is not a fairy tale and we really only need faith to get us through each day. My desire has changed a bit. Now I still voice my feelings, of course it is a bit more open than before, but it is okay if no body hears what I have to say, I don’t need their approval anymore. I honestly don’t even need to know they care. If I am happy with myself first and foremost, then that will spill over into everything else around me. I have to like who I am and where I am at in this moment.
Faith…..I am not sure where I would be without the gift of Faith. On my wrist I have a tattoo of a scripture that means the world to me. It has been so much a part of my life in every aspect that I felt I needed it somewhere I can visualize daily. It is Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” Every time I look down I know that I can DO ANYTHING and also ENDURE ANYTHING even though I can’t see into the future. I just have faith that it will all work out in the end.
The Bible says faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains, and I don’t know anyone who could not stand to have a few mountains moved in their life. God Bless, and have a little faith.
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