It Would Be Much Better If… I Wasn’t Infatuated with Everything

The definition of infatuation is ‘an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something’. The word is most often associated with teenagers ‘in love’, but it can also apply to things like fashion, gaming and food. Some people may immediately jump to examples like denim on denim, popular TV shows, or celebrity romances.

But the type of infatuation I have a problem with, is the kind where you hear a song that you cannot stop listening to; you end up putting it on repeat until you get sick of it. But for me, that ‘listening on repeat period’ could be weeks or months. And instead of just listening to it, I’ll be watching the music video, learning the lyrics off by heart, reading people’s theories on the meaning behind the lyrics, and listening to radio interviews with the artist.

One of my recent obsessions has been a show called Critical Role, where a group of friends played Dungeons and Dragons for thousands of viewers. There are over 130 episodes, which on average last between 3 and 5 hours each, and have around a million views per episode. I’ve watched over 300 hours of the campaign, and many more hours of other videos created by the cast. I have played a few short games with friends, designed characters, and created basic campaign ideas, which can all take hours in themselves.

All of this lasted for a few months, before my passion for the subject suddenly disappeared. I stopped watching the show and then the rest of my mini projects came to an end. I can’t think of a particular reason why – even though my boyfriend is still fully obsessed and brings up the show and his own campaign on a near daily basis – and that’s probably the most upsetting part of it. Something that I loved so much, put so much time into, and I just put it aside and forgot about it.

One background obsession, however, has stayed since I was about 11. And anyone who knows me, will know that it is Harry Potter. The books, films, attractions, merchandise; anything and everything is fair game for me to obsess over. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time and money on memorabilia, visiting the Studio Tour, seeing The Cursed Child in London, and just generally re-reading the books or re-watching the films.

I use the term ‘background obsession’ because I’m not actively seeking new content or products all the time, but when I see something, it definitely reignites the fire for a while. Although around Christmas is probably the worst as everyone is asking for present ideas, so then I do have to actively look for what I want and give out a list of what I already have.

Although the previously mentioned habits are probably regularly seen, especially on popular platforms such as Instagram, YouTube and Twitch; the most extreme example my own infatuation, would be behind my family holiday to Italy in 2010.

We spent a week driving between Pisa, Montepulciano, Rome and Volterra; staying in hotels, eating out, and sightseeing (my family still hasn’t forgiven me for buying truffles, and having to smell them in the car for the entire trip).

I would like to say the main focus of the trip was for cultural reasons, but in reality, my family planned this holiday around my desire to visit Volterra. The medieval hilltop town has many attractions including Roman ruins, beautiful scenery, and museums.

However, there was somewhere very specific I wanted to visit, and that was the Piazza Dei Priori – the town square. And the reason, you ask? Well, let me set the scene; it’s 2008 and two 13-year-old girls discover a new film that’s been released. Within a year, they are hooked. They’ve read the whole book series and re-watched the film countless times. They go to the midnight screening of the sequel and the obsession continues. The obsession for myself and my best friend, I am now sad to say, was Twilight.

The climactic scene in the second film in the series, New Moon, was filmed in – you guessed it – Volterra. And less than a year after its release, my family quiz me on where I would like to go on holiday. It was the best family holiday I’ve been on, and my souvenir was a part of Volterra and the Twilight franchise – an alabaster apple.

Well, needless to say, I’m out of that phase. But I wouldn’t pass up the chance to go to Vancouver to see Supernatural being filmed, or to get to be in the tent for an episode of The Grand Tour.

It can be quite nice to be able to go through these phases, mainly because I get to explore so many different topics, games, genres and anything else I can get into. I love trying new things, and getting into so many things makes it easier to make new friends, because most of the time I can find a common interest.

However, I would like to be able to quell my need to spend a lot of money on things I know I will probably end up passing onto others, selling or donating in a few months’ time. I don’t know how I would do it, but realistically I need to learn to pace myself with new interests, instead of always throwing myself in at the deep end.

Something I’ve not been able to do for years, is horse riding. I have such a passion for working with animals, especially horses, but due to money, time and health – it’s just not been possible to get back into it.

I rode at a few different schools, but my favourite was where I met Sid. The most gentle, handsome and wonderful gelding. He was made to be a show hunter, but damn did he give dressage his best shot when I asked!

One of the worst parts about being so in love with something, is when you can longer partake in it. My final riding lesson before I left for college, I got in the car with my parents to head home, and I just cried. I spent hours re-watching videos of me riding, assessing my position during jumps, checking the horse was leading on the correct leg in canter, scrutinising my dressage practise. It really tore me apart and still upsets me greatly, I know that I would do anything to go back, but I won’t find another like my Sid.

So yes, it would be much better if I wasn’t infatuated with everything.

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