It’s been awhile since I have written; partly because somewhere along the way I lost who I was and because I struggled with writing about the next topic. I put myself back out in the dating world and tried to do some online dating and just got burned in the end and decided that I wasn’t ready yet. These feelings of disappointment yet again made me doubt the quality of men still left in the world. I didn’t want to write about this topic because I didn’t really know if I could believe what I was writing and above all I want to be authentic. I have been in denial for most of my life about many things but today, I am specifically talking about being in denial about there being no good men left in the world.
My singleness and finding a “good man” has been a struggle for quite awhile and I don’t know why…I have been subjected to many wonderful examples of what a good man looks like: my father, brother, uncles, etc. Despite having these wonderful examples of how men SHOULD love and treat women, I seem to still fall for and find all the jerks…as if I am an jerk magnet. Like…can one person BE SOOOOO unlucky??? So where are all the good guys and how do you find one? There seems to be a limited supply…What’s that saying??? All the good men are taken…they are either married or gay! Trying to find a good man in this limited supply of good men is like shopping on Black Friday for some rare toy that everyone wants at Christmas…like Tickle-Me-Elmo or those Hatchimals. You have to fight to the death for one. Whatever men are left…it seems like we are all in competition for the same ones. This is a untrue obstacle that makes us believe that decent men either don’t exist or are in limited supply which breeds a slew of dangerous stereotypes. According to Franklin and Good (2016) we start to tell ourselves (as women) that all men are worthless players who don’t want marriage or commitment. We also start to tell ourselves that whatever good men are left “know they have their pick of the pool, so women have to do anything and everything to catch one before he gets away” (Franklin & Good, 216, p. 120). And this mentality is how I have lived most of my life, trying to catch a man. Doing whatever I thought would keep him; taking care of him financially and sexually, but there was never anyone there to take care of me. I became an easy target…someone easy to use and leave. So I subjected myself to blow after blow of heartache because I gave all of myself to people who didn’t deserve it and had no desire to ever give in return. These men should be ashamed of themselves for using me for their own selfish gains, but I really should know better and want better for myself. So when you get into a cycle of one bad guy after another you begin to believe there aren’t any good ones left.
But I CAN’T live my life like that….I have to believe that there are wonderful men left in this world, like my father, who WANT to treat us well and be great husbands and fathers. There are men who are madly in love with and devoted to their wives and they aren’t all cheaters. I believe that there are men who are thoughtful and considerate…and I will find that man in my life.
So despite being surrounded by these lies that tell me otherwise, how do I get to a point in my life where I believe it’s possible for myself? I choose to read books like The Wait by Devon Franklin. I listen to videos by Trent Shelton, read poems by Pierre Alex Jeanty, listen to the lyrics of the song Priceless by For King & Country…or watch this video.
I go to church, I pray, I choose to surround myself with the truth, the light, and positivity. Most of all I REMIND MYSELF OF WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT and I surround myself with good men, great examples and hold on to the fact that there is someone great out there and he is looking and praying for me too.
I know that despite what I’ve encountered with men, God also gave them passion, wisdom, creativity and restraint (Franklin & Good, 2016). As Franklin and Good (2016) stated “God made men aggressive, competitive, sexual beings, but He also made them capable of more” (p. 143).
When I find myself filling with doubt and disbelief and saying to myself there are no good men left…I read this passage… “Men have the potential to be just as healing, noble, nurturing, and high-minded as women if they hold themselves to a higher standard. That doesn’t mean becoming less of a man or becoming more like a woman. It means becoming a different kind of man, one who can shed the Neanderthal mentality of his younger years for a greater wisdom, restraint, tenderness, and faith. This means finally leaving the adolescent boy behind and embracing the power of real manhood. There’s nothing weak or unmanly about that” (Franklin & Good, 216, p. 156-157). There are good men left, maybe he’s just preparing himself for me…
Share this:
