“She’s strong but she’s exhausted.”
~R.H. Sin
Well, I woke today at 10dpiui and I think this cycle is a bust.
The cramps started at work yesterday. The pain wasn’t too terrible, but it took all of my strength not to start sobbing. I did tear up a bit, but otherwise was able to keep myself together. One of my bosses seemed to sense a shift in my mood, and he kept me busy for the rest of my shift which really helped. This is the upside to being open about my struggle at work. Most of the time, I don’t have to explain myself.
Whatever hope I had when I went to bed last night that the cramps didn’t mean anything, evaporated when I woke up this morning. My breasts got really heavy overnight, and when the puppy snuggled with us this morning he pushed at me with his paws. It hurt so badly. I normally start to slowly develop breast pain after ovulation, and it gets to the point of being super painful a few days before my period.
I have observed that all of these symptoms are worse during the three IUI cycles we have done. I’m assuming this is because of the additional hormones that I have pumped through my body.
So, I’m feeling pretty down and defeated today. I was so hopeful about this cycle, and another failure is only going to make our next round even more difficult. I’m going to have to find a way to keep my spirits up before we try again.
My birthday is in about two weeks. I used to love birthdays, but the longer we try and fail to get pregnant, the more difficult birthdays seem to be. They just serve as a reminder that another year had passed, and I’m still not pregnant. They also remind me that the older I get, the more difficult it will be for me to ever conceive.
I had been hoping I’d receive a nice birthday gift this year in the form of a positive pregnancy test. I guess not…maybe next month?
Alright, sorry for the super downer post. All that positivity was going to come to a cross road eventually. Hopefully now that I have vented, I will feel a bit better and be able to get through my day?
Thanks to those of you who read my blog. Your support has meant so much to me.
~Sam
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