Your Top Questions about Men Answered

While researching for my book, This Girl’s Got Game I asked countless women the question “What is the most confusing thing a man can do?” Most women admitted to finding it incredibly difficult to understand certain actions of men. While the differences between the sexes seem immeasurable, they’re relatively simple when broken down. Instead of trying to change these characteristics, embrace these differences so you can use them to your advantage.
Here are the top questions you’ve asked about your guys:
1) Why doesn’t he like PDA?
When it’s just the two of you, he is as affectionate as can be. But as soon as you are in public, and especially with his friends, he acts distant. It’s like he’s allergic to public displays of affection.
Guys are instinctively programmed to be tough. As we discussed already, all men want to be the big, bad Alpha males. Constantly kissing and cuddling his girlfriend in front of other males decreases his macho credibility. It’s not manly to call you Pooky Bear and give you Eskimo kisses. It makes him appear weak. And if he does do it, be sure that he will be ridiculed and labeled pussy-whipped as soon as you leave the room.
Don’t take it personally, ladies. All he wants to do is look strong for you. When you constantly sit on his lap, hug him from behind, and kiss him all over his face in front of his friends, you look clingy and insecure. Not only that, but you make him look weak and make him feel smothered. Give him some space and let him take the lead in public. When he feels the time is right, he will throw his arm around you and pull you close.
2) Why does he want to sleep closest to the door?
Every time we sleep in a hotel or at someone’s house, my husband insists on sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door. One night after I refused to swap (hey, I was already comfy!), he reluctantly let the matter go. But that night, he didn’t sleep at all. The next morning over coffee, I asked him why he needed that side of the bed. He said he couldn’t help thinking that he couldn’t protect me fast enough if someone came in.
I had to laugh a little, but when I saw the bags under his eyes, I knew he didn’t relax all night. That evening, I gave him his preferred side. Not only because he needed sleep, but because his instincts were to protect me. I appreciated it, even as silly as it first seemed.
3) Why does he test my patience on purpose?
He knows you hate it when he calls last minute to say he’s going out for a drink. He knows you hate it when he likes a certain girl’s Instagram pictures. And he knows if he comes home late, he’s in for it. So why does he continue to do it anyway? Why do men do things they know annoy us? A man will test a woman to make sure she is the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Every woman has buttons. He wants to make sure that he can push a few without you going haywire. The key is to stop nagging, ignore it, and act natural. He will be so confused, especially if you usually express your disappointment or frustration. He may push the buttons some more, but eventually, he will grow tired of those buttons and quit his incessant pushing.Men don’t react to words; men react to action. So, the next time your man pushes your buttons, show him how it feels rather than telling him.
4) Why is he so afraid of commitment?
I have been asked this question more times than I can count. As a woman, it’s difficult to understand why men don’t want to commit because commitment is a female’s number one goal. But commitment scares men, even after they have committed.
It’s not really the commitment that men fear; it’s the consequences he might have to face if it doesn’t work out. They fear if things don’t work they could lose their financial security, their children, their home, and more importantly, the prize – YOU.
It’s also another kind of fear: the fear of missing out. For all men, it’s a scary notion that they will be having sex with the same woman for the rest of their lives. They somewhat feel that they are missing out on every other woman (even if they had no chance at all with her!). The good thing is the older men get, the less that fear bothers them.
But the key is not to pressure them. Every time you ask where your relationship is heading or drop not-so-subtle hints, you add an extra few months of him postponing the commitment you desire. Men want to do things on their own terms in their own time. Many men have admitted to me how emasculating it was when their girlfriends pressured them into moving in together or getting married. Sure, these women may get the ring, but the man will feel resentful and rushed, which kills the spark and causes conflict in the relationship.I fully understand that you don’t want to waste your time if he isn’t the one. But if you’ve talked about your future and are on the same page, back off and let him work in his own time.
5) Why won’t he forgive being cheated on?
In the past, unfaithfulness was usually considered a masculine fault. However, the number of women being dumped for their indiscretions is increasing. I often get asked why men are so much less forgiving than women when it comes to cheating. And it’s simple: because men feel twice as betrayed as women do when they are cheated on.
The first betrayal is on the ego.

A man’s ego simply can’t take the hit of being cheated on. Men are territorial about their partners and knowing their woman was with another man turns them off physically. Men don’t feel masculine by forgiving this indiscretion, they feel weak. Men are prepared to throw away years of investment for the sake of keeping their egos intact.
The second betrayal is on their pride.

When a woman cheats, a man feels he was unable to provide, perform, and protect her well enough. In most cases of a man cheating, he still loves his woman but has only made a physical connection with another woman. But when a woman cheats, there is an emotional connection as well as a physical connection.
This is a big blow to a man’s pride because it isn’t just a sexual indiscretion. He feels that not only is his “manhood” inferior, but he failed 3 out of the 4 Ps that make up his manliness. He considers her cheating as verification that he has failed to provide, perform and protect. And this damages his masculinity. He will throw away years of investment to leave with his pride intact. It’s his only choice to still consider himself a man.
6) Why does he tell so many white lies?
Men lie so easily about petty things. It wouldn’t be a big problem, but it causes women to question if men lie about the significant things too. The irony is that women have taught men that lying is easier because we react dramatically when we hear the truth.
When women ask if they have put on weight or how pretty an ex was, we don’t really want to hear the truth. We want the sugar-coated version. So, men have quickly learned how to adapt their responses to certain questions to keep the peace and avoid drama.
Men believe if there is no perceived benefit to telling you the truth, and a small lie would be inconsequential, there’s no harm. Why should he be honest?
Men don’t realize that when they lie, everything else they say sounds super suspicious too. For example, your man bumps into an ex and doesn’t tell you. You find out about it later and wonder what else he could be hiding from you. But what happened was your man saw his ex in public and didn’t think anything else of it.
The truth is we all tell little lies, and the key is to reward him when he’s honest by thanking him. If you feel the lie is truly upsetting, take a deep breath, walk away to evaluate the situation, and then come back to talk about it.

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