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No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way To Calm The Chaos And Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind (2014)

by Daniel J. Siegel(Favorite Author)

4.3 of 5 Votes: 3

ISBN

0345548043 (ISBN13: 9780345548047)

languge

English

genre

Nonfiction

publisher

Bantam

review 1: When I saw the title of this book, I rolled my eyes and thought “No drama? You haven’t met my child.” As I started reading, I appreciated that the authors had a generally realistic approach to children and were thoughtful about how they connected their philosophy and suggested strategies to brain development. It had some helpful, catchy things to remember (like “shark music”). The examples seemed like real-life ones and every situation did not end perfectly. I liked all of these things. However, in the end I felt the book didn’t offer me much, even though on the whole I agreed with most of their approach.Something I noticed early on was the total lack of reference to existing discipline approaches. The strategies and philosophies described in this book b... moreorrow quite a lot from discipline approaches such as Jane Nelson’s “Positive Discipline,” Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish’s “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen,” Elizabeth Pantley’s “The No-Cry Discipline Solution,” and Alfie Kohn’s “Unconditional Parenting” (and probably others that I’m not aware of). It felt very disrespectful that the authors did not acknowledge others’ work in this area. For example, relating to the “redirect” strategies given here, the chapter in “How to Talk…” includes many of the same strategies (but is much more detailed and specific).But most importantly, I felt there was an over-emphasis on staying calm. On the one hand, yes, you are likely to use better discipline strategies if you are calm when you do it, and "connection before correction" (a Positive Discipline term) can definitely make a difference. On the other hand, isn’t it kind of weird to act like a zen robot with your child? I can’t stand hearing myself and other parents speak in that coaxing, fake-happy voice. You know what I mean: the one where we pretend we’re all understanding and patient when actually we are feeling annoyed and frustrated. If you’re angry, it’s okay to show your child that you’re angry – or hurt or disappointed – and that’s a more natural, human way to interact. And a stern voice communicates that you're serious and gets your child's attention, where a friendly, soft voice may not. I didn’t feel the book gave very constructive advice for how to manage emotional states while staying in connection with your child – basically it was just “help yourself to calm down before talking to your child.” (Again, I contrast it with parts of “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen” which show you how to be serious and stern, just more effectively and in a way that’s not damaging to your child/ the relationship.)As a side note, I felt like there were a few major discipline/ parenting issues that would have been relevant but were not addressed here, even briefly – like understanding children’s different temperaments, or thinking about different cultural styles, or using proactive strategies for family togetherness and communication.
review 2: I really wanted this book to tell me how to make my 5 year old stop crying over everything, and it basically said I should never tell her to stop crying and that I should validate to her that her emotions are real. I agree she should be able to have emotions but how to make her stop crying all the time??? I am mostly in line with all the book teaches, but I do think time outs are just fine, especially to remove a child from a situation that is overstimulating and frustrating for him. Best way to quickly diffuse my 3 year old's tantrums is to put him in his room "until he feels like he can be nice again." Overall, this book did give me some new parenting tools to use to help parent in a loving and nurturing way, so I will likely recommend it to others. less

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