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Loving Our Kids On Purpose: Making A Heart-To-Heart Connection (2008)

by Danny Silk(Favorite Author)

4.37 of 5 Votes: 1

ISBN

0768427398 (ISBN13: 9780768427394)

languge

English

genre

Nonfiction

publisher

Destiny Image Incorporated

review 1: A note: I am approaching this book from a slightly different perspective than the intended audience. I am preparing to adopt an older child, not parenting children that I have birthed.I couldn't quite decide if it was the principles or the presentation that I didn't like. I pushed through the book because a friend read it and talked about it. Some of the basic ideas are fantastic: we need to love our children on purpose. We need to prioritize a relationship above all else. I agree. "By simply trying to get our kids to do what we want, we miss a golden opportunity - the opportunity to teach our children how to think for themselves, to problem solve, to make responsible choices both within and outside our presence" (110).Yes and yes. However, there were other sections I just... more couldn't agree with."If we are going to train our children to handle freedom as the priority of relationship, then we need to do our best to help our kids make a strong connection between these two messages: 'I love you very much,' and 'what are you going to do?' When we tie choices, questions, and limits to the message of love, our kids learn that those are essential aspects of learning to manage their end of a relationship for which we have a very high value. They learn that managing their freedom is what cultivates and protects a respectful, loving connection with us. Our desire as parents should be that their value for that connection becomes the thing that directs them in the choices they make. We especially desire this for them because ultimately, the way God intends for them to be governed is by their value for their connection with Him" (149).Should the statement "I love you very much" be tied to "What are you going to do?" Shouldn't "I love you very much" be a statement all on its own? No qualifiers. Telling an adopted child that I love her and then following it up with questions seems to undermine by declaration of love. Kids who have lived in an orphanage their entire life, with no remembrance of parental love, NEED to be told and shown that they are loved. We have to establish that connection with them first, or else there is no reason for them to obey. Maybe I'll feel differently about this book after our attachment is secure, but the book seems to miss the mark with parents who are approaching parenthood in through older child adoption.
review 2: The beginning of this book had me really wondering if this guy had something monumental and different to say about parenting and discipline. His treatise was that "perfect love casts out all fear" so using fear as a form of discipline is not godly. Some of the examples of applying the disciplinary methods he recommends are really good and I will take those, but there are others where I disagree. There is actually a point where the author utilized spanking but he said that it was to "help the spirit to leave" speaking of a demonic spirit that had invaded his child. Honestly, I think that would scare the pants off of any child to think that his/her actions were done because they were demon-possessed or demon-influenced. What I did like was "problem ownership" and "simple phrases." I don't like his view of disrespect and that it should go unpunished. I think that is one of the biggest things that toddlers and young children do to push their parent's buttons. I would say that this resource is "ok" at best. I was not a huge fan of it. less

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