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Marriage Rules: A Manual For The Married And The Coupled Up (2012)

by Harriet Lerner(Favorite Author)

3.67 of 5 Votes: 3

ISBN

1592406912 (ISBN13: 9781592406913)

languge

English

genre

Nonfiction

publisher

Gotham

review 1: This is a compilation of over 100 bits of advice for maintaining and happy and healthy marriage. I didn't necessarily agree with all of them and some were totally irrelevant, but the book had a lot of good stuff. This isn't so much a review as it is some personal reflections on things I want to improve, inspired by the book.* Aim for a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.* Tell your partner the specific things you admire.I've seen this advice a lot (for kids and spouses), and I think I struggle with it sometimes (usually because of sarcasm, which probably gets dumped into the negative bucket). I pledge not to be so sarcastic around the house, even if what I was going to say was going to be hilarious.* When you agree to do something— no matter how small— do i... moret.I am constantly "forgetting" little things like changing the litter or taking out the trash, so I will do better at "remembering" to do these things from here on out.* Getting “solution focused” before our partner has asked for our help reflects a wish to be helpful that isn’t helpful at all. Advice giving blocks listening and can leave our partner feeling unheard and isolated in the relationship.I always butt in as soon as my wife complains about anything with how I would obviously and easily "fix" the situation. This is not what she wants or needs.* Every couple needs to have technology-free time to experience each other with full, undistracted attention.We sometimes get distracted by technology (sitting next to each other, each with our own laptop on our laps), so this implementing some tech-free time will help with that.* It requires you to get past your defensiveness when your partner is saying things that challenge your favored image of yourself so that her voice and her pain can affect and influence us.This one struck a chord with me, as I tend to get incredibly defensive over really stupid things ("What do you mean you don't like where I'm clipping my toenails?!?")---There were a bunch of other rules that I'll be working into the routine, but some of them involve sex and it might be weird if my mom reads this review.
review 2: Very readable, simplistic in many places as well as obvious however, an excellent reminder that many people could use about communication in relationship. I particularly liked the brief discussion about "I" language that isn't really but clever blaming statements. Also the point about saying too much; by which the author, and I mean, using too many words - a paragraph where 3 sentences would do.Recommended for the lay audience as well as therapist who want a quick refresher when feeling stuck. less

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