I consider myself a book lover. However, it is every couple of months where I go on a Barnes and Noble spending spree only to find myself putting my new books aside. Currently, I find myself at the heaviest I have ever been at 240 pounds. On a Pinterest binge, I came across Andie Mitchell’s blog. After reading an entry on her weight loss struggles, I decided to order her book “It was me all Along.”
Her book had me laughing, crying, and most importantly had me realizing that all those things I feel nobody understands, I have not experienced alone. It was the first book in a while that was not put aside. I was looking forward to those breaks at work where I can sit in my desk and read. These were some of the excerpts in the book I resonated with the most:
“That girl version of me learned that I shouldn’t experience discomfort. That whenever I start to feel even one inhaling of boredom, doubt, anxiety, or anger, food would soothe me.”
“And just as I’d done in the past, I launched a massive “farewell to fat” binge.”
“I resented that the size of my body was correlated to my value, my worth as a person.”
“I’d used food, in one extreme or another, as love and comfort and joy for twenty-some years. Amid the chaos of my childhood and the insecurity of my adulthood, I could control the food. When I felt nervous, food was reassuring. When I was anxious, food was soothing. When I was sad, food lifted me up. For every single emotion, I could turn to food.”\
Needless to say, the book was an eye opener, of many I have had in the past few weeks of how unhealthy my connection to food is. Another was the letter my professor asked me to write to “food” in a therapy class. Putting my journey into writing is one way I will see the progress I have made both psychically and emotionally.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28:29
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