Season greetings, everyone! I know I was once again really behind on my blog this year, but one of my New Years resolutions is to be more up to date on it! Anyways, 2017 was a very strong year for movies. In fact, it is one of the hardest top tens I’ve ever had to deal with (you will see that list tomorrow). On the other hand, the 7 following films are among the worst of the year. These films are horribly misguided, poorly made, and/or unnecessary continuations of established franchises. Without further ado, here are my picks for the worst films of 2017!
7. Barracuda
Directors: Jason Cortlund and Julia Halperin
Easily my least favorite film at IFFBoston that got distributed. What a bore this was! It’s not only a boring thriller, but the plot makes no sense. The actresses hired to be musicians in this film cannot sing and rather than having an intimidating villain, the directors cast Allison Reid as one of the most annoying villains I’ve seen in a long time. In short, this was a major dud at IFFBoston and I’m shocked critics dug this.
6. Bright
Director: David Ayer
This is not only a recent addition to the list (saw this last night in fact), I’m fully expecting some readers to defend this film to me. I don’t care, this film was a dud. It really fell flat for me given its promising premise. As a fantasy film, it’s lazy and never truly explains its mythology. As a crime film, it’s dumb and predictable. The cast (except Lucy Fry in a Razzie worthy performance) tries, but in a script this dumb I could not take them seriously. This is a very disappointing film from both David Ayer and Max Landis and I’m concerned about the future of Netflix films given this film’s success.
5. Transformers: The Last Knight
Director: Michael Bay
The only positive thing I can say about this is that it is much better than the last Transformers installment. That doesn’t mean much in a film that’s overly convoluted, over the top dumb, and messy. The only hope that this series has is for Michael Bay to hand directing duties to a director that can make this a much less serious franchise than it needs to be and can have fun despite its problems. Michael Bay had initially said he would leave after the fourth film, but decided that The Last Knight would be his last Transformers film. Until I see an announcement about a different director doing the sixth film, I sadly expect Bay to return.
4. Underworld: Blood Wars
Director: Anna Foerster
I think the Underworld franchise should consider ending after this horrid installment. I honestly question if the writers and director even tried on this film. Not only poorly acted and written, the action scenes appear to edited closer to an unintentional comedy rather than a fun action film. This series has gotten worse over the years, but I really think this one should truly make the studio reconsider doing another one.
3. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Directors: Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg
Consider me a person who no longer cares about the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise after this disappointing sequel. While the last installment was disappointing, it had several fun parts. This felt like a complete waste of time. Returning franchise characters are treated very poorly due to the bland script, the humor falls flat, and the villain has one of the most ridiculous reasons for vengeance I have ever seen. I know that regardless of what I say that Disney is probably already working on a sequel to this, but based on the quality of the last two films, I’m pretending this and On Stranger Tides do not exist and that the first three films are a perfect trilogy.
2. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Director: Luc Besson
This film’s financial failure led to several industry people getting fired. Honestly, I feel director Luc Besson and his lead actor Dane DeHaan should seriously reconsider their careers after this dud. While it’s visually stunning, the film is an overlong bore and it doesn’t help that its plot is silly and its characters are ridiculously dull. However, it also doesn’t help when your “heroic” and “charming” lead character is cast by Dane DeHaan who comes across as boring and creepy instead. I’ve defended this actor for many years, thinking he would have a huge comeback performance similar to his strong debut in Chronicle 5 years ago. This film made me rethink him in a very poor way. I honestly now consider that performance in Chronicle as a fluke and I no longer desire to see this actor in anything anymore after this. As for Besson, I really think his directing glory days are far behind him and he should strongly considering retiring again.
1. The Mummy
Director: Alex Kurtzman
You know your movie is bad when one of its major fight scenes looks like friends wrestling as a joke and the main villain’s big attack on the lead character is a literal slap on the face. Nothing came close to this film for the spot of the worst film of 2017. Although Tom Cruise has made some bad movies, this is easily the worst he’s ever worked on. A totally lifeless film, neither scary, fun or thrilling. This is an example of how poor direction and writing can derail a cinematic universe plan. I honestly wonder what Universal was thinking when deciding to hire the man who is responsible for writing childhood-ruining films such as The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and the Transformers series to not only direct this film, but be in charge of a whole cinematic universe full of beloved horror characters? Alex Kurtzman is not a good writer and has turned beloved franchises into garbage (his Star Trek films are an exception). Not only did this film’s failure boost him out of the Dark Universe, I’m really hoping that this is the last franchise he will ever work on.
Dishonorable Mentions: High Lo Forty, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, Pitch Perfect 3
I hope you all enjoyed my list of the 7 worst films of 2017! Stay tuned for tomorrow when I release my top ten favorite films of 2017. Feel free to comment on my list whether you agree, disagree or feel I missed anything!
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