As the new year unfolds and everyone draws up resolution lists packed with new gym memberships, money-making strategies, remote destinations and language classes, I came across Emily Esfahani Smith and her four pillars of meaning and thought they’d make a good foundation for 2018.
After years of research, Emily argues that it’s not the pursuit of happiness that should govern our life, but the pursuit of meaning. No news there. According to her, meaning is achieved through four pillars:
The last one immediately stroke a chord. I’ve always been fond of reading and writing but never thought of what a lousy personal storyteller I was when it came to sharing how I became what I am today or even small things like how’s your new job. When it came to my personal narrative, since I’m a perfectionist, I often concentrated on the shortcomings and areas for improvement: what could/ should be even better but isn’t? A discourse of longing and expectation that doesn’t let you enjoy the present moment even when you have it good because there’s something even better you’re missing on. I have led a pretty interesting and diverse life so far, so I was always trying not to sound arrogant to the point that I wasn’t really given myself recognition for my achievements or didn’t come across as confident.
Let’s take a friend of mine who was drugged by a mother of a 3-year old while backpacking in Latin America and woke up on the backseat of an abandoned car in only a bikini surrounded by police, her bag gone. Her narrative: I’m better equipped now for further travel (she’s got another four months) and feeling grateful I’m safe and with friends. Needless to say my first reaction would’ve been to get an urgent medical check, file a police report and get the hell out of there. If your narrative is on the negative side even when things are good, imagine how you’d react when misfortune strikes.
The storytelling pillar reminded me of Steve Jobs‘ recount of his path to success and how he connected the dots years later, showing that even what seemed like disasters back then turned into blessings. When you tell your narrative, does your story have a positive sound to it? Does it make you feel content? or is it more whining and complaining? What was awesome about your journey? What has it taught you? How has it contributed to the awesome person you are today? Are you grateful or bitter? Do you take responsibility or do you blame others? The storytelling concept is not alien to cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT, where one’s interpretation of a situation, rather than the situation itself, triggers feelings and behaviors and ultimately, our satisfaction and sense of meaning of our life overall.
So this year’s resolution is not to maximise the money-chasing monkey business or fly to remote locations, but to tell myself a different personal narrative and being more grounded. As Marcel Proust puts it, it’s not different landscapes we need, but a different perspective:
“The real voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in seeing with new eyes” Advertisements Share this:
