“She had everything going for her–good looks, a nice school, and friends. But suddenly and without sufficient warning, life spins out of control. It’s hard not to let life get to you when nothing seems to make sense anymore. Sometimes it takes confinement in the hospital–and a lot of time to think–to once again get a handle on life.”
I must have been about thirteen the first time I read Checkers by John Marsden. And I must have read it about 20 times since. It is one of the very few books that I will not donate or sell my hard copy of (normally this privilege is only allowed for pretty & expensive box sets).
An adolescent girl recounts the events that lead to her voluntary admission to a psychiatric hospital, as well as events within the hospital itself. I don’t need to tell you much else. I don’t want to relay any spoilers. The book is only 123 pages, so it really won’t take you that long to sate your curiosity.
Before I continue with how I related to this book, let me give some background on myself.
Since early adolescence I have struggled with maintaining a ‘healthy‘ mental state. I didn’t sleep well, I never had a regular eating pattern (bingeing and fasting were nothing new to me), I experienced panic attacks, I struggled with close friendships, I was either obsessive or completely negligent of school, and later, university work. After finishing high school and moving out of home I saw a psychologist and was diagnosed with both General Anxiety and Major Depressive Disorder.
Since these diagnoses I have seen many psychologists and psychiatrists, I have been on and off various anti depressive medication. I even believe it was a contributor to me starting and completing a degree in psychology.
My biggest struggle is my overtly strong emotional reactions to small triggers. Simply disagreeing with my partner can send me on an endless spiral of dark thoughts and reconsideration of my life choices. Or an off-handed comment from a friend that I knew was never intended to be offensive.
My adverse negative mental reactions to certain things has always been the thing that I wish I could make disappear.
So how exactly, does this relate to a YA book that is nearly two decades old and just over 100 pages long?
I’m not going to tell you what happens in the book, but I will tell you what doesn’t happen.
You don’t find out that she’s in a psychiatric hospital dealing with her family’s massacre. Nor that she PTSD from some horrific assault. She doesn’t even end up in a ward because she has developed an eating disorder.
My point is, this book outlines that just because an event doesn’t appear horrific and life-changing doesn’t mean that it can’t be perceived that way by the people involved.
I once had a psychologist tell me that if a person came into their office and when asked Why did you come in today? responded with My fish died they would still be treated with complete sincerity. Because if that is an event that has put someone in an unhealthy mind state, then that person deserves help just as much as someone who has had a trauma that appears significantly more terrible.
Don’t ever let someone tell you your problems are too small to be upset over. Your problems are your own, and your feelings and responses are real.
Do you have a book that has personal meaning? Do you have a book that you refuse to get rid of even if the world was an apocalyptic nightmare and you were out of any other resources that could be used as toilet paper?
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