With the recent passing of August Ames, it’s been hard for us perverts to find a reason to masturbate during our time of mourning but hey……you have to or else your balls will explode from all of the stored up cum.
Or worse, you become Kirk Cameron.
I bet that fucking guy is like Billy in Silent Night Deadly Night when he gets sexually aroused. He probably used to have sex dreams about Alan Thicke where Thicke was rubbing down his naked body while singing a slow rendition of Sweaty and Hot and Kirk Cameron wakes up screaming, covered in sweat and cum and just hugs his knees in a corner of the room muttering “I don’t wanna be naughty, I don’t wanna be naughty.”
He then looks over and sees himself dressed as Mother Superior who says “Kirky, it’s time for PUNISHMENT!”
And so Kirk Cameron beats himself up like that dude in The Da Vinci Code, bleeding out all of his lust.
This clip I picked out today is a 1920s silent film that could possibly be from Mexico. From what I gathered, a woman is masturbating and Santa Claus feels bad she’s gotta use her fingers and gives her this dildo machine that she fucks herself with. Santa watches her use it, gets aroused and an angel shows up and tells Santa that’s naughty and finally the angel gives up and so her and Santa start fucking.
It sounds like I’m making up an Aristocrats bit as I go but this is what happens.
A random cartoon I discovered where Harvey Weinstein is watching an Aristocrats audition. Huh……..o the weird turn things take as they age…
When I was a stand up comedian sometimes I would close my set with an Aristocrats joke involving the Berenstain Bears. It would end with a blood and cum coated human centipede totem pole. Surprisingly The Tonight Show never called me back when I sent in recordings of my sets.
Doesn’t that shit for brains Fallon realize kids love The Berenstain Bears?
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5679c91067908
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