“Happy Mother’s Day!”, they say. Each time someone cheerfully exclaims these three words, I cringe. I try not to make it obvious that I am totally disgusted, but I am not always successful. Since I am the mother of three, I accept the well-wishes and go on about my merry-little way. It is not so easy, however. Actually, it is one of the hardest things in the world to do. On the day that the world has set aside to pay homage to mothers, I want to crawl under the covers and wake up on Monday morning. Just not do the day.
It was Sunday, May 9, 2004, and I was in church. I was almost 21 weeks pregnant. We had a special guest preacher for our Mother’s Day Celebration and she had the congregation fully engaged. In the middle of her sermon, the guest preacher stopped and asked someone to come to the front. She pointed in my direction and said, “…you, come here…”. My girlfriend was sitting next to me and she stood to go to the front, as instructed. As she proceeded to walk to the front, the preacher said, “Not you. Her.” I looked around to see who she was referring to, and she pointed at me and asked me to come to the front of the church. After she spoke to me, in front of the church, I returned to my seat. Within a few seconds, I felt wetness drip down my thighs and a tightness in my lower abdomen. I went to the bathroom, only to discover, that my water had broken.
I knew that I was in trouble. I had experience in Obstetrics/Postpartum nursing, and this was not a good sign. I did not want to disrupt the service, so I told my girlfriend what was happening and I gathered my things to leave. Alone. No one escorted me as I walked to my car to drive myself to the hospital. Here I was, on Mother’s Day, about to experience a mother’s greatest nightmare. Alone. I informed my daughter’s father that my water broke, and he offered to take me to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital and I was placed in trendelenberg (upside down) position until Tuesday. More than 24 hours. I was placed in a dark room with little stimulation so that my little girl would have a calm environment in which to naturally return to her original position – inside of my body. Once the bag returned to its correct place, I had to have a procedure in which my cervix was sewn closed (cerclage), in hopes of allowing my little princess more time to grow. Six days after my water broke, I developed a temperature of 104 degrees Fahrenheit. I ached all over. Contractions coming steady at 2 minutes apart. Pain intensified. Worry consumed me. “May 14, 2004 – Time of death: 1914.” My.world.stopped.spinning. Every year, at the same time, I feel it all over again. Journey Kamille Williams.
No one knows this when they wish me Happy Mother’s Day. I realize that. What happened to me makes me more aware that it may not be a Happy Mother’s Day for everyone. Some have lost their mothers and have it tough on this day. Others have dysfunctional relationships with their mothers and may have never felt loved by them so they have a hard time. Some have lost children and, although they have other children who are living, they have a void that nothing can fill. Others can not have children and this day is a reminder of how amazing women who have children are. I am not saying that mothers should not be celebrated – on the contrary, mothers deserve the world, given to them on a silver platter! I just want to raise awareness of the group of individuals who may not feel so happy today. If you have someone in your circle or your sphere-of-influence who may have lost their mother, child, or incapable of having children, love on them a little today. You never know just how much it will be appreciated!
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