I’m Still Really Glad I Broke Up With You
By Hannah Johnson
The summer I met you
I drank enough gin to fill a bathtub
20 years spent checking closets
for Narnia doesn’t teach you moderation
that comes later, after a lot of puking
so I’m lucky I had you to hold my head
those days I lived like I was on fire
burning the candle from all sides
gin is the mother’s milk of bad decisions
and I never got myself weened
everybody asks me what I was running from
they would stand on the sidelines
wearing masks of concern, cartoon mouths
stuck in the shape of slow down
and I wouldn’t
I’ve never put too much faith in warning labels
and you were the only one who understood
I wasn’t running from anything
my legs just never stop to ask what
else they were for
that summer we collided
I changed my name to freight train
just so I could keep up
I thought I was trouble,
but you were trouble
with a capital T underlined twice
when I asked about the axe beside your bed
you answered “zombies” like it didn’t need explaining
you set me off like a sixth grade kid
sets off fireworks as often as possible
just to see if he can get away with it
you moved fast enough to make Einstein weep
and my god it was beautiful
we made love furiously
clinging to each other like the frenzy of our bodies
could break the sound barrier
on the night that we did
you told me you love me
your voice rattled like steam engine
to this day I have not heard a song so sweet
it was dangerous to love you
locomotives train their hearts for coal
to keep moving
I knew someday the tracks might have my name on them
so I learned to hold on tightly,
learned to grip love like a vise
made armor from the bones of all the women
you’d ran down, determined to be different
to learn what they hadn’t
I would keep you
had to keep you
never leave me
never leave me
never leave me
never leave me
this is the sound I hear whenever a train passes
the soft animal inside your body
will tell you to turn your back
on your biggest disaster and
run as fast as you fucking can
and I hope you notice me walking
20 years spent dreaming
of a love like the movies
doesn’t teach you how to heal
when that love combusts so
I’m lucky, I had you to show me
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