Make a fist. Go ahead. Do it.
Now, tighten your grip.
Do you notice the amount of effort you’re putting in? Are you straining your muscles to keep your fist as tight as possible? It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
Now. Slowly open your hand.
Do you feel like you can breathe again? Is that pressure of maintaining your grip suddenly lifted off your chest?
This past year, I dealt with a lot of underlying issues in my life regarding my past. Unresolved insecurities and recurring bad memories. Monsters that I couldn’t lay to rest.
It was crippling. There were times when I couldn’t breathe because of how scared I was or how intense my panic attacks became. It would hit me at the most random times, and I hated that I was going through it all over again.
I knew that I no longer was the same person I once was, but it was as if the devil didn’t want me to believe that and constantly invaded my thoughts with lies. I did my best to hide what I was going through. I’m actually really good at that. I didn’t want to seem like a burden to anyone else. I figured I could work things out on my own. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
That saying “letting go and letting God” you often hear at church; it’s corny, but effective. Sometimes you hold on so tightly to things you should have let go of a long time ago. Call it the stubbornness of human nature. Our pride to have control over everything. You hold on for dear life thinking that once you let go, everything spirals, and you lose all control.
But imagine this.
That feeling you had when you opened your hand; imagine that’s you relinquishing your past, your insecurities, your problems to the One who can handle it way better than you ever can. And then in place of that is His hand grabbing a hold of yours.
Strong. Reassuring. Never letting you go.
Like the good Father that He is, God will lead you through every season of your life. He hates seeing us go through pain. But His love is insurmountable. It’s never-ending. It’s ever-reaching. We’re victorious because He’s on our side. We just need to let go, and grab a hold of Him.
“…with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, for his steadfast love endures forever…” – Psalm 136 ESV
I’m far from perfect. I still have a lot to learn. And I know the devil is like a prowling lion and can pounce again at any moment. But I rest on the truth that God’s love is greater than anything I go through.
Letting go of the grip I had on my past helped me realize that I don’t have to be in control of that part of my life, and it does not have control over me. Having that knowledge fills me with a refreshing sense of peace and reminds me to turn my focus back to the One who’s always had me in the palm of His hand.
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