Shame

2017 ended with festivities and reunions left and right. It was tiring yet magical. Reunions are events where people pry on your life, achievements and bank accounts. In my case, I made sure that it was for revenge.

I have a childhood friend named Marissa whom I haven’t seen in the last 15 years. She used to bully me when we were in our teens. I was a boyish girl who can pass as the daughter of the Sun because my skin tone was really dark, (courtesy of tree climbing, skipping afternoon naps and playing tag with fellow teens in the afternoons) I was so thin and I looked like a boy. She would call me, Negra or negrita and would laugh at me and make fun of how I looked. 

I hate attending reunions, I find them boring and pretentious. I sometimes skip because of my work and half of the time was due to just being plain lazy that I’d rather cuddle with my cats while watching Netflix. This year, it was different. After finding out that Marissa will be attending, I vowed I will attend and show her how the Negrita evolved.

Days before the reunion, I swept botiques to look for fashionable dresses and footwear. I made sure to have my hair, nails and facials done. The end product was a complete transformation admired by my office colleagues. Then I went to the reunion like a warrior.

Upon arriving, I looked for familiar faces. Eyes wandering, I was looking for her. 

“Diana.” I heard a familiar voice behind me. I smirked inwardly before turning around confidently.

Lo and behold, a woman double my size was standing in front of me.

“It’s me, Marissa.” She replied.

3 children approached her and I was awestruck. Hearing them call her ‘Mama’ was enough to make me feel defeated. She was glowing at that moment. I watched her tend to her youngest, with apologetic smiles she gave me every now and then.

What was I dressing up for? To show this woman my transformation? What for? Maybe because all my life I have been holding a grudge against her so that she will acknowledge and accept me. I was such a fool and a loser.

Shame silently took over me. That night, I silently apologized to her and to myself in my thoughts as she happily shared with me her adventures as a mother to 3 adorable children.

What I learned from this situation was valuable. NEVER HOLD GRUDGES AND NEVER CHANGE FOR ANYONE BUT DO IT FOR YOURSELF.

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