Time to let go of a friend?

I am one who holds tightly on to her friends and tries to keep the relationship with them healthy. I am not the best at making new friends because of my shyness. I am so glad to be able to make some kind of friends and would never want to let go of them.

For example the language course in Brighton a few summers ago. There I made a lot of new friends and I was so proud that I had in a way overcome my shyness. I had made friends and when the last day came and we had to say our goodbyes I was devastated. I didn´t want to let go of my new friends this soon.

I definitely wasn’t the only one crying when we all were put in a big room to say goodbye and it’s so weird that in only two weeks you can get so close and care about someone so deeply. I guess it’s the circumstances that you are “alone” in a new country that helps to so easily make friends there. And of course you can be in contact after that but you like can´t see them all the time when they are living in different countries.

And this is just one example of when I have had it really hard to say goodbye to my friends or so-called “friends”. I also feel so warm and fuzzy if people get together and do something and show that they care for each other. I just really appreciate every friendship and I do not take for granted the friends I have.

I couldn´t live without any friends and I absolutely love my closest friends!

But is it now time for me to let go of one of my closest friends?

My closest friend group consists of me and three other girls plus two boys. We have always called us the A-Team and we have quite a colourful history with each other.

The group wasn’t formed in a day, it took about four years and everything that happened in those years isn’t pretty. It started with me and one of my friends. We had just both been “dumped” by our BFFs and were completely alone. And keep in mind that this was the time when you only could have ONE BFF. So we two became BFFs and lived quite happily. From this began the four years of happy times and sad times and many fights and many crying girls and so much drama. One by one a new member joined and every time there were a lot of fights and drama about the new person. But we got through it and it was peaceful for a while when all of the four girls were okay with each other. And we did get closer all the time and we really liked each other. But then came the boys and it started again. And of course, it was a lot different because it was a boy and all of our classmates did remind us of this all the time. Like there were no groups in our school before us that had both girls and boys. But then it all worked out and we became the A-Tea with six members and we were so happy. We had so much fun all the time, we got along and we were all so happy. The six of us had been “dumped” and left alone and formed this amazing group where we all were so happy.

It almost was like from a movie and everyone in our school knew that we were a tight group and you wouldn’t want to mess with us.

Then came high school and we got separated in different schools. It was so new and hard for us. To balance school, hobbies and friends was really hard and we barely saw each other. But then again, when we saw each other we remembered why we were friends and had the time of our lives.

But sometimes I was really scared that we couldn’t make it and that we would split up. And that would leave me with almost no friends and I would lose my best friends. And that made me really sad and got me thinking about my life and I was so confused. But that is a whole other thing which I will be writing about in the future.

The A-Team got through the year and when school ended we went together to a summer house and celebrated school ending, the summer vacation and us being friends after all this.

We once again enjoyed us really much and laughed so much and I was so happy to have my friends with me again. And have that reassurance that we were meant together.

But unfortunately, everything didn’t go perfectly and it has left us four girls thinking about our friendship with one of the boys. And especially my friendship with him.

We have never been more than friends and have never wanted to have a relationship with each other. We have just been a group of friends. Really good ones. And friends for a really long time.

And we care about each other so much!!

But now I am left in this situation where I can´t make up my mind if I can or want to be friends with this guy.

If he wouldn’t be one of my closest and bestest friend I probably wouldn’t be friends with him anymore. But because he is I have a hard time making up my mind.

Do I want to respect and hold tight on to our long and good friendship or should I forget that and not be friends with him?

The problem is that I do not have that much of hate towards him about what happened and I will not be mad at him forever (that is not just me) but I don’t know if I can face him and act like nothing has happened.

But will it be my fault that the A-Team breaks because the girls said they will do the same thing that I do? But then again I wouldn´t be in this situation if nothing had happened.

I know that whatever my decision is I will see him and that is okay. It’s just that if we would continue as friends I am sure that I couldn’t be the same with him and that would affect the whole group dynamic. But so would also if we wouldn’t stay as friends.

You see my problem?

And on top of everything I am one who always thinks too much about how others feel and what they think. But this is a lose-lose situation and for me it’s about minimising the casualties and hurting others as little as possible. But in this situation, I think I have to think about myself more than about others.

This is a total mess and I have no idea what the outcome will be and what my decision is.

I am quite sure that there are a lot of people who have faced this problem and even more people who have lost friends over time. And I know that I can’t hold on to all of my friends forever but there are some friends that you have to hold on as tight as possible and never let them go. Which situation is this?

I hope there would be a guidebook on how to handle this situation that would tell me step-by-step what to do and what to say. But there isn’t and I have to deal it myself and myself be the guidebook which tells me what to do.

If you have ever been in a similar situation please do comment down below and tell me what to do. Any advice is well appreciated. And if you are stuck in the same situation now comment down below and we can try to help each other. Just comment down below.

Appreciate your friends and don’t take them for granted,



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