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Fifty Shades Of Fifty Shades Of Grey (2013)

by Riley J. Ford(Favorite Author)

3.66 of 5 Votes: 4

languge

English

genre

Romance

publisher

Amazon Digital Services

review 1: Giggle.Snort.LOL.OMG FUNNY. The helicopter ride was hysterical (to me), causing me to just about snort my delightful glass of icy cold orange juice out my nose onto my dinner! Luckily, I was able to save said drink, my nose and the Kindle from a fate I'd rather not have had to clean up while laughing. Read this while having a quick dinner and was either grinning, giggling or just LOL the entire 1/2 hour it took me to blaze through this madcap story of a loving but bumbling husband on a mission to rekindle romance with his wife of 20 years. He's a keeper!
review 2: I picked this up because it was on Audible's dime (they like me and give me free money!), and because it looked like it could be funny. And because... well, it's likely the only possible way I'll read... more a book with "Fifty Shades of Grey" in the title. So, here's the premise: Middle-aged, recent empty-nester Ben Weaver and his wife Kate have lost their sexual mojo. She has had a headache for the last year, and Ben is reaching critical mass. He's desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures. Enter his helpful co-worker, who suggests that Ben have Kate read The Book Which Shall No Longer Be Named, and she'll be so hot for him afterward that he would have to beat her off with a stick... as opposed to the usual beating off his own stick. So he tries it, and... Nada. She rolls over and heads for snoozeville. So, he decides, after a few days, to up the ante. He could tell that she liked the book, and was turned on by it, but just not enough to actually have sex with him. YET. He then embarks on a 401(k)-emptying plan to woo her... billionaire Christian Grey style. (I would just like to point out here that I don't think it takes all that much effort to get someone to sleep with you when you're a supposedly scorching hot billionaire. All you need is a pallet of money, and the girls will line up to be bent over it. Crap. I think I just gave E.L. James a new book idea.)Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, right, The Wooing. So. Ben lists his moments. If Christian steamed up an elevator by making out with whatsherface's face, then Ben would go for the full shebang. If Christian can rent a helicopter for a romantic date, so can Ben... with the most expensive dinner and hotel possible afterward... and then, sex toy surprises. The problem is that Ben is inept at the best of times, Kate's boring and frigid, and bad luck is Ben's new BFF. Everything that can go wrong, does. So. I rated this two stars. It wasn't that the writing was bad... it just wasn't great. It was the kind of writing that you'd expect from a college creative writing assignment. All the bits are there, except the little bit that brings it to life. I finished this book about 15 mins ago, or maybe a little longer now, and I have to actually think about the main characters' names. I have an easier time with the douchebag lunch-thief unimportant-other-than-being-a-ball-buster other co-worker. Not to mention that I'm unsure why they are still married in the first place. If you can't talk to your wife of 20 years about why she's had a headache for an ENTIRE YEAR, leading to NO SEX FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR... I think there's a problem that has little to do with the one Ben seems to think is the important one: no sex. They don't talk to each other, apparently, and they don't know each other. Ben has no idea what will turn Kate on, and Kate has no fucking clue as to the fact that her husband is at his wits end with her perpetual chastity headache. Ben apparently has known that she's an 18 year no-gluten vegan, but thinks that ordering her pancakes, eggs, and bacon (a la Christian again) is a good idea... that she could just "try something new this one time". Because being vegan is apparently the same as preferring grape jelly to strawberry. But it's not really surprising that Ben didn't know her, because I didn't really get the feeling that the author did either. I felt like the vegan thing was thrown in there at that moment just to throw a wrench in the Christian Grey plan. For example: Take Ben's lunches. Two things: 1) Kate makes tuna salad sandwiches with cilantro EVERY DAY for Ben's lunch. 2) Sal Rizzoli (the asshole ball-buster coworker I mentioned above) steals Ben's lunch every single day. The cilantro is, according to Ben, her special touch, which makes me assume that she's tasted it. Tuna = not vegan. So, if she's been vegan for 18 years, that means that she's been making his special sandwich the same way for 18 years, and never once complained about the amount of fish that had to die for it, or the possibility of mercury poisoning, or how many eggs had to go into the mayo, or never once had Ben make his own damn killer sandwiches, etc. But Ben never mentioned that it was special VEGAN "tuna" salad with cilantro, so it seems that it's real tuna. Coming back to Sal, the lunch thief, the cilantro gives him away as the thief because it gets stuck in his teeth, which makes me think that the cilantro isn't really a special touch at all, but rather a convenient plot device regarding the final "showdown" scene of the book. The crazy things that happen in the book were meant to be funny... but I just didn't think they were. I had hoped to spend most of the time I was listening to this laughing, but I don't think that I actually laughed once. Not one time. Everything that happened seemed so ridiculously obvious that it practically had a flashing neon sign saying "ATTENTION: THIS IS SETTING UP A FUNNY TURN OF EVENTS! PAY ATTENTION SO YOU DON'T MISS IT. HERE IT COMES! 5...4...3...2...NOW!"And for fuck's fucking sake, what 18 year old daughter home from college early to introduce her new boyfriend brings him straight to mom and dad's bedroom to do it? Serves the kid right for what she walked into. Someone needs to take "Boundaries 101" when she goes back to classes. Still... this wasn't terrible, and I didn't hate it. But I had hoped for a more entertaining listen. There's a lot of potential with parodies and I feel like this one could have done a lot more with the material they had to work with. less

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