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For Better: The Science Of A Good Marriage (2010)

by Tara Parker-Pope(Favorite Author)

3.44 of 5 Votes: 4

ISBN

0525951385 (ISBN13: 9780525951384)

languge

English

genre

Nonfiction

publisher

Dutton Adult

review 1: I liked the concept of this book a lot. It's a good overview of what is presently empirically known about long-term relationships. Tara Parker-Pope is a blogger, not a scientist, so this is a secondary source, but as an easy-to-understand lit review for laymen, it's solid. The studies are well-chosen, including Betsey Stephenson's historical/correlational data on the real divorce rate (hint: it's much lower than the oft-touted 50%); Elaine Hatfield's studies of chemical attraction; John Gottman's findings about conflict and arguing; and more. I found the "notes" section to be an amazing resource of books and articles to check out next.That being said, I didn't really like the book itself. It had a light, magazine-y tone, which probably appeals to a lot of people--and I hav... moree to admit, I liked the "quizzes"--but it occasionally oversimplified the findings or drew unwarranted conclusions when explaining them. Occasionally the conclusions of the studies were different from the conclusions of the author. The monogamy chapter was particularly baffling, focusing on monogamy in the animal world (it's almost nonexistent) and then still going on to conclude that monogamy is normal/admirable for humans. I'm sure there must be studies of monogamy in humans that would not have invited so much disconnect between the studies and the commentary?I like science and all, but I have to admit that I got this book out because I'm engaged and I genuinely, in good faith, wanted to think about how to behave in marriage. But this book was so overwhelmingly heteronormative that it really made me feel alienated and like the information was not for me. I get that most married people are straight, and I certainly have years of experience ignoring chapters on gender differences and mentally translating "husband and wife" into "spouses", but this book went out of its way to make gay and lesbian partners sound like an alien species. About halfway through, after I'd been mentally translating and assuming that the author meant these conclusions to apply to gays and lesbians all along, Parker-Pope writes:"For answers to these questions, marriage researchers have turned their attentions to two types of couples who have broken the traditional marriage mold. The first group of couples who are offering new insights about gender and relationships may surprise you--they are gay and lesbian couples. Given that same-sex marriage isn't legal in most places, it's hard to believe there's much to be learned from gay and lesbian partners. But a large body of scientific literature on same-sex relationships offers important insights about how couples interact and the husband-wife dynamic in particular." OH WHOOPS LOOK LIKE NONE OF THIS WAS MEANT TO APPLY TO ME AFTER ALL. Because OBVIOUSLY when we say "marriage," we MEAN "the husband-wife dynamic." That is OBVIOUSLY the only thing that ALL READERS care about. Also, HOW COULD GAYS AND LESBIANS POSSIBLY HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT MARRIAGE WHEN MARRIAGE HAS ONLY BEEN LEGAL IN MASSACHUSETTS FOR SIX YEARS AS OF 2010 WHEN THIS WAS WRITTEN AND HUMAN BEINGS HAVE ONLY BEEN CONDUCTING LONG-TERM SAME-SEX RELATIONSHIPS IN THE ABSENCE OF LEGAL AND SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE SINCE PRE-RECORDED HISTORY???
review 2: I thoroughly enjoyed this book! It’s a fantastic read for anyone in a committed relationship, new or old. Well researched, succinctly written, and overall positive about marriage, Tara Parker-Pope has created a work of nonfiction applicable to anyone interested in lasting intimacy, partnership, and commitment. Perhaps most striking about the book is the wealth of scientific evidence behind all claims and suggestions—the numbers don’t lie—which really drives each point home. I also really enjoyed the take away points, which provide concrete suggestions for improvements both small and large. less

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