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Attached: The New Science Of Adult Attachment And How It Can Help You Find -- And Keep -- Love (2010)

by Amir Levine(Favorite Author)

3.86 of 5 Votes: 4

ISBN

1585428485 (ISBN13: 9781585428489)

languge

English

genre

Nonfiction

publisher

Tarcher

review 1: KT:"Adults show patterns of attachment to their romantic partners similar to the patterns of attachment of children with their parents." (p. 7)"8. Lets you set the tone of the relationship so as not to get hurt. • You call, s/he calls; you say you have feelings, s/he says s/he has feelings for you (at least at first). Doesn’t want to take chances." (anxious attachment, p. 59)"Fears that small acts will ruin the relationship; believes s/he must work hard to keep your interest." (p. 66)"One wrong move and I could jeopardize the entire relationship. I’m waiting for him to set the pace because I don’t want to seem too eager. Perhaps a text message would be okay? That might seem laid back and spontaneous, don’t you think? Or maybe I’ll forward him some funny e-mail ... moreas part of a distribution list?" (p. 70)"She would alternate checking first the one and then the other every few minutes just to see if he had called. At work she would spend hours tracking David’s activities on the then-novel Internet, creating a false Internet persona and chatting him up in the chat rooms he frequented. In short, she became obsessed." (p. 78)Figure p. 83"Marsha and Craig’s story exemplifies how bad an anxious-avoidant trap can become. Craig didn’t feel comfortable with too much intimacy, so he missed no opportunity to put up emotional barriers between himself and Marsha—creating uncertainty at the beginning of their relationship, keeping their status unclear, having to be “pushed” into marriage, belittling her, avoiding sex, and using numerous other deactivating strategies." (p. 202)"Avoidants have very different preferences. They might choose to focus only on the sexual act itself, forgoing holding and cuddling, or to put rules into place like “no kissing” in order to make sex feel less intimate" (p. 204)"Studies have found that the same areas in the brain that light up in imaging scans when we break a leg are activated when we split up with our mate." (p. 209)"The fact that one person can take away all our discomfort in a split second makes it very hard to resist the temptation to see him or her again. Just being in the same room is enough to entirely relieve the anxiety in a way that no other single friend or family member can." (p. 211)"Anxious people may take a very long time to get over a bad attachment, and they don’t get to decide how long it will take. Only when every single cell in their body is completely convinced that there is no chance that their partner will change or that they will ever reunite will they be able to deactivate and let go." (p 211)
review 2: This book is interesting. I think I read it before I graduated high school, or maybe right after. The contents of the book graph well to some things and some not to other. Obviously the trichotomy, secure, anxious, and avoidant is pretty broad. The book seems to indicate that it is something nurtured and stable. Eh. They don't really prove that. It is a good summary for the layperson. It gives some relationship advice, which I'm sure most of the 30 something year old women who buy the book are actually reading it for, but I'll be honest I don't think it is really that useful as a relationship advice book. Don't read this book to save your marriage. That is a bad idea. Read the book to get a broad understanding of some principles, some examples of how different relationships work, and then see how applicable these examples are to the people around you--- not to yourself. less

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